


Dancing in the dark

by FrustratedPoet1979



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Dancer Lily, Eventual Romance, Multi, dancer Sirius, jily, wolfstar, writer James
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-06-21 10:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrustratedPoet1979/pseuds/FrustratedPoet1979
Summary: Everyone thinks Lily is on top of her game, everyone except Lily. But when she wakes up one morning in a strangers bed with no recollection of how she got there her life changes forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A few months ago I watched a video of a male dancer doing a piece to Hozier's take me to church, and it gave me an idea. Originally I wrote this as a script but I just couldn't get it to work that way so I switched it up.
> 
> This is supposed to be set in New York and they are all American, but as I am British I'm sorry they don't sound very American.
> 
> Rating is for language and later chapters
> 
> Hope you like, if you do please let me know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for some reason this is not posting properly I will try to fix

Dancing in the dark 

Chapter one 

 

Remus was waiting at the international arrivals gate at JFK airport when he felt his phone buzz, he already knew who it would be before he even looked at the screen.

Pads  
Do you have him yet?

Remus sighed and smiled fondly as he tapped out his reply.

 

Rem  
I’m waiting at the gate, his flight just landed.

Pads  
K, I’m not allowed my phone in rehearsal but text me x

Rem  
Of course. U gonna eat with us?

Pads  
Don’t wait for me I’ll eat with Lils or later x

Rem  
Ok, but make sure you do eat!

Pads  
Promise xx

Rem  
Xx

 

Passengers were coming out the gate just as he was putting his phone back in his pocket. He spotted his friend at the same time he was spotted and he pulled him into a strong embrace as soon as he was close enough, they both stayed for a long moment.

“It’s good to see you.” He said warmly as they pulled away grasping shoulders, drinking in the sight of each other..

“You too,” Remus grabbed James’ bag and slung it over his shoulder.

“It’s been a long time, I’m glad you decided to come.”

“There’s nothing left for me in Cape Town. You and Sirius are the only family I have, now that mums gone. There’s nowhere else I would want to be. Thank you for putting me up, I hope I’m not an inconvenience.”

“James you are my brother, and as such, never an inconvenience. I can crash with Sirius, when I’m not working at the label, so you will have the place to yourself most of the time, but If you want me to keep you company of course I'll stay.”

“No, I’m sure I can cope without you, but thanks for the offer.” James added with a warm smile. “I can’t believe my two best friends met, and got together without any help from me.”

“You introduced us, when we were still in college, but yeah, it was Lily who gave us the nudge we needed really.”

“Lily?”

“Sirius’ flatmate, they were at dance school together. She was on the tour tour”

“I don’t think I’ve met her, anytime I visited him at Ilvermornay I just met his weird roommate Pete, but anyway. How was your first tour? I thought music producers didn’t travel with the artists.”

“I’m only an assistant producer. Angel wanted to continue working on new songs while on tour, so I was given the task of helping. It was really good actually, I liked working with them. He’s going back on tour, so it might be happening again soon. You sure you are okay with me leaving you on your own?”

“Hey, you know I like my own space. You are allowing me the breathing room I need to find who I am again.” Remus gave his friend a sympathetic smile.

“Let’s find ourselves an Uber.”

They did not really speak again until they were sitting at the table in Remus’ warehouse apartment. The remains of two giant pizzas, from James’ old favourite place, sitting between them. Remus has known James wanted to talk but not while others could overhear, and now that dinner was out they way, he was ready to listen to his friend.

“What am I going to do? I thought my life was planned, just goes to show you can’t predict anything. I’m twenty seven and have to start all over again.” The hopelessness in James’ voice made his heart break for his brother.

“You still have your work, you still have your friends. You can bounce back from this, the great and confident Prongs is not going to stay down for long. She didn’t take everything from you?”

“If you start calling me by my college nickname again, I’ll start calling you Mooney.” he leaned back in his chair sliding his hands behind his head, “ As for my work, I’ve not been able to write much more than a paragraph since this all happened, and even then it’s poor. My publisher has been sympathetic, but I’m not sure how much longer their patience will last. It’s strange to think back now, how much I invested into my life with Sadie. How can I trust myself to try again, when I made such a huge mistake?”

“You took a chance. it was very James. You’ve learned from it, and I’m hoping you’ll be more cautious about leaping into things in the future, but that doesn’t mean I want you to stay at home all sad and miserable. Come out tonight with me and Sirius. It might help you relax, you should be out enjoying your single status. You need a quick hook up to get her out your system for good.” James shook his head.

“Thanks, but I’ll pass, I’ve never been interested in quick hook ups. I’m so jet lagged right now I’ve no idea what time my body thinks it is. I’m just gonna chill.”

Remus looked at his friends and half jokingly said to him. “First night back in New York City and you are just going to crash out? College James would be very disappointed in you.”

“I promise I’ll be more human tomorrow. I know I’ve not been a very good friend the last few years, since we left college if I’m being honest. I regret that.”

“Hey, we all drift apart, we’ve all had our own shit to deal with.” Remus looked down at his hands resting on the table. “I should have tried harder to stay in touch. She took advantage of your trusting nature, I didn’t think she would steal you away across the world, but you’re here now, you’re home. There’s no pressure for you to do anything. Sirius is dying to see you again, he’s got a gig right now but he promised to come round as soon as he was done for the day.” 

“Thanks Moons, I needed to hear that and you can tell Pads im looking forward to seeing him too, but if it’s alright with you i’m going to go pass out on the bed. Good night Moons.”

“Night Prongs love you.”

“I love you too bud.”

 

∞

Lily had never been very good at keeping on top of her life. She was one of those unorganised messes who only seemed to get by through phone reminders and friends.

When her phone started to ring beside her bed, waking her abruptly, she knew there was somewhere she was supposed to be. It was only when she looked at the screen and saw Sirius’ picture, one of him kissing his boyfriend and sticking his finger up at the camera, she recalled the conversation about an earlier start.

“Oh, Fuck,” She looked at the time, she was not too late, yet, she hoped, as she scrambled around her disaster of a bedroom looking for her sneakers, and rummaging through a basket of clean laundry for a sports bra and the required black fitted top, and leggings. 

She hated rushing, she thought she had set an alarm but her sleep had been disturbed and perhaps she had slept through. She hated rushing but somehow she always was. 

She was proud of how quickly she was out the door, within ten minutes of Sirius’ unanswered call, even managing a lukewarm shower, or the pathetic excuse for one that was in their apartment. 

As she ran along the sidewalk, weaving her way through the people who were always on the street, ignoring the shouts of the strange men hanging outside her building, and trying not to bump into anyone. She wondered if she should try to call Sirius and say she was on her way or at least text him.

New York streets were not the place to rush, and use your phone, not for her at least, not without falling on her face and risking a twisted ankle, or worse.  
At least it wasn’t too far to go, the dance studio was only two blocks away. It was a very large factor in why they had rented, the tiny overpriced and shabby apartment. 

She thought in amusement, as she saw Sirius standing outside the building watching her approach, that at least the run meant she could skip her usual warm up, but it wasn’t much comfort. She liked warming up, it always gave her the time she needed to focus her chaotic thoughts on the task at hand.

Sirius gave her a look as she continued at pace towards him, and she put her hand up to stall any admonishment he was thinking of giving.

“Alright, I know. Just don’t fucking start okay?” He did nothing more than raise a perfect eyebrow, before flicking his cigarette away and following her inside. 

The dance studio was already full, as she walked in with Sirius on her tail, the sound of the piano mixed in with the gentle chatting, this was her space, where she felt most at home.

Everything stopped as she appeared in the door, but it was all in her head she told herself. She ignored the hard stares and mutterings, as she sat down to change her shoes. 

The Dance studio manager was a sour faced bitch who had never liked Lily, was always looking ways to make her life more difficult, but this morning she didn’t even have to try, because Lily was doing a fine job of fucking everything up herself.

“Now that our star has decided to grace us with her presence, can everyone make sure they are ready to go once our choreographer gets here.” Madame Pince’s overly dramatic voice put Lily’s teeth on edge, but she tried her best to block it out as Sirius started to stretch his limbs beside her and speak quietly.

“You’re lucky the choreographer isn’t here yet, or you’d be in big trouble.” He snapped at her in a harsh whisper. “I know you need less prep than the rest of us mere mortals but even the amazing Lily Evans needs to arrive on fucking time.” Lily tried her best not to roll her eyes at him, as she leant forward stretching out her back.

“Don’t you fucking start with me, it’s your fault I’m fucking late, you and that too hot boyfriend. I had to sleep with my earphones in you bastard. Why the fuck didn’t you wake me?” She hissed right back at him. To his credit he did look a little embarrassed, but as always it didn't last long and soon enough his casual smile was back, as he tied his hair back.

“I thought you were staying over at that Jock with the big cock’s place. Ours was so quiet when i got back with Remus I didn’t think you were home.” Lily did roll her eyes this time, she was more than a little tired of his little nicknames for anyone she even bothered to call a boyfriend. 

“Obviously.” She tried her best to keep her voice down but there was a snap in her voice as she replied to him. “His name was, and still is Mike. He decided to stick his disappointingly average dick in someone else, so I am not planning on seeing him again. No, I don’t want to talk about it. Yes, the second all this is wrapped we’ll be drinking, and yes you can take me out but, no, we are not going to flaming saddles.”

She didn't need to see the smile to know it was there as he replied. “Whatever you say”

Lily was about to press her point more when her attention was drawn to the door. The supposed award winning choreographer breezed in as if he wasn’t an hour late. Lily didn't know what to make of him at all. He was dressed in jeans for one thing, not the usual attire for someone who was supposed to be showing them through a complex dance routine. He looked quite young for someone so renowned, Lily guessed about mid thirties but probably younger. His close cropped dark hair showed no sign of grey but that didn’t mean anything in this business, but his trendy five o’clock shadow also looked free from grey. 

At least he had the frame of a dancer she thought to herself, she had stood in the presence of far too many choreographers, who if they ever were dancers had long ago let themselves give up on that dream, it had always made her wonder about herself if she ever stopped dancing. 

“Good morning ladies and gentleman. For those who don’t know me my name is Derek Wills,” his clipped British accent addresses the room. “I am the choreographer and director, but I’m sure you already know that,” he nodded his head graciously as if expecting applause but the room stayed silent and expectant. He clapped and rubbed his hands as if nothing was amiss.  
“Okay then, I have a very limited amount of time to get this done, the filming space is set up downstairs. I expect you to learn this routine quickly, so we may get this done. This gets done quicker, we save money, you all get paid your bonus, and everybody goes home happy.” He looks around the room. “Where are your principal dancers?”

Lily stepped forward making herself known and looked around wondering who they had got to replace Ben. Madam Pince approached Derek and nervously cleared her throat.

“Unfortunately, our Lead male has injured his back and is awaiting surgery. I thought you had received my email about that?” Derek sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose as if this news was the worst thing that had ever happened, Lily watched him as he seemed to pick Sirius out at random. Liy highly doubted there was anything this man did at random, there was an air of aloofness about him but that might just be something to do with his Britishness. 

“You look strong enough to lift her. Let’s see how you get on .” She smiled at Sirius as he stepped up beside her, his face was beaming right back until he faced forward adopting the professional mask of indifference. 

The grin was wiped of both their faces as Derek stood in front of them, speaking in a quieter voice, but still loud enough to be heard by everyone in the room.

“I certainly hope you will decide to manage your weight better so you don’t break any more dancers.” He raised his voice again to carry to the back of the class, not that he needed to as everyone was gathered around listening closely. “Okay, everyone, starting positions please. I hope for your sakes you all prepared properly, i will not accept any excuses, you are professionals.” Lily looked skyward and tried to put the continued insults behind her. Fighting back angry tears because how dare he say such things, when she had no choice, but to bite her tongue and accept his critique without complaint. She raised her arms as Sirius came to take his place standing a little behind her. His head was so close to hers that even though he said the words so very softly to her she heard clearly.

“When this is all done we are definitely going out drinking.”

 

∞

Because they were professionals, and because Derek was a complete prick nobody wanted to work with for a second longer than they had to they did manage to wrap up early, so they ended up going to their usual bar, Frankies. 

It was a bit bigger than some of the other hang outs on this block, it had a small space at the back where you could dance, if you wanted to, and the owner was an old friend from their first days in New York. Straight out of Ilvermorny dance school with high hopes of becoming superstar dancers, as if any of those existed.

The music was loud, but not so much that you couldn't have a conversation. The place was bustling, and Sirius was finding it increasingly difficult to keep tabs on Lily. She had drunk way more than her normal limit, and seemed to be attracting the sleaziest people who couldn’t seem to keep their hands off her. 

This normally would not bother him because Lily, most nights, was perfectly capable of fending off these idiots, but tonight it seemed she was set on making the worst kind of decisions. 

When Sirius glared down another would be suitor, without any thanks from Lily, who rejoined their rowdy crowd of dancers, he spotted Remus making his way through the other patrons, his face and his mood warmed instantly.  
They embraced tightly and Sirius didn’t want to let his man go but knew he had to, if only so he can reach his lips. Remus kissed him back with as much passion as he did, when they finally did pull apart Sirius knew he was probably sporting the same excited smile that Remus had on his face.

“Hey, I’ve missed you.” Remus told him, as if they had not spent most of last night together, and only said goodbye that morning. Remus looked about and tilted his head back towards the door. “Fancy getting outta here?” As tempting as his offer was, Sirius knew he had to turn him down. He pointed out Lily who was once again dancing inappropriately close to another of their dancers, who didn’t really seem to know what to do with the attention.

“Love to babe, but I can’t leave her, she’s a fucking mess. The choreographer was a dick, he was tough on all of us, but he really laid into Lily. Told her she didn't have it anymore. I think we were all so happy we got the job finished early. If I go who is going to stop her from making all the wrong choices?” Remus looked at Lily and watched as she knocked back another shot while laughing and joking with the other dancers.

“Lily is an amazing dancer, and I’m sure it's not the first time she’s been criticised. He was probably just being tough to get the best from her, i see it all the time. Your friends are there, she’ll be fine.” Sirius wondered which group of friends Remus was thinking of, because it certainly was not the group of selfish self centred people gathered at the bar today.

“I wouldn’t trust that lot with my goldfish.” He smiled, trying to show his very hot boyfriend that it was only due to his feelings of responsibility for Lily, that he was saying no. Because Sirius knew, if the tables were turned, and they had been on more than one occasion, she would be doing the same thing for him. 

Remus pouted in a beautiful way, and slid his hands into the back pockets of Sirius’ jeans. Sirius enjoyed the feel of being so close to him and allowed himself to be pulled in even closer. They were a similar height, if anything Remus was a fraction taller so he barely had to move as he brought his mouth to his ear.

“Well if you can’t leave her, we will just have to take her home too. We can make sure she’s okay and then…” Sirius closed his eyes and bit his lip at the suggestive things Remus spoke into his ear, his pulse quickened as his hands pulled him even closer, if that was even possible, and started to kiss his neck sucking gently.

“Oh, Fucking hell Moons.” He heard the rumbly, growly laugh that came up from deep in Remus’ throat, and if anything it turned him on even more. It was at that point that Lily noticed Remus’ arrival and the way they were holding each other in a display that was probably not overly appropriate for public viewing. She staggered over to them and Sirius knew she was doomed because of the way she was slurring her words.

“Oh hell no.” she started, trying to give Sirius a stink eye glare but failing miserably at it. “No fucking way I am listening to you two fucking, another fucking night. What happened to the two of you staying at your place anyway?”  
“Well we could but…” Remus starts to reply to her, but halfway through her gaze wanders to someone, or something over by the bar.  
“What?” Sirius was not sure if she was asking Remus or there was another reason, that only Drunk Lily knew, before she staggered off in the direction she was looking without waiting for an answer. He usually got on pretty well with Drunk Lily but right now she was being a massive inconvenience to his sex life.

“You know we can’t stay at mine.” Remus said softly so only Sirius heard. Reluctantly, Remus stepped back a little from their embrace, so he could watch Lily have a very serious discussion with one of the waiting staff, who thankfully, looked more amused than annoyed. Remus looked more thoughtful, and as often was the case, he wondered what his boyfriend was puzzling out. Even though he was more than certain that Remus was now in agreement with him he felt he needed to clarify further.

“I can’t leave her on her own, look at the state of her! She never drinks and behaves like this, it’s not Lilly and I really don't know what’s up with her. Mary and Marlene are away on tour, and the rest of the dancers I wouldn't trust to look after a potted plant.” 

“Well, there is another option; he always likes to look after people, it might cheer him up.” This was the idea that Remus had thought of? He considered it in his head for a while thinking of all the reason why they shouldn’t.

“I doubt very much he will appreciate us dumping an extremely drunk girl in your apartment, and what if he’s out?”

The flat stare that Remus shot back at that remark could have written essays. “You know as well as I do that he won't be out, not unless he went to the bodega, and he would definitely be back by now. And besides this is not just some random girl, this is Lily.”  
The girl in question staggered back to them and threw her arms around Sirius’ neck almost as if she was coming in for a kiss. He felt her breasts press against him and he knew she was doing it just to make him squirm. Determinedly he ignored the uncomfortable contact and planted a kiss to her temple supporting her weight with his arms around her waist. 

“What were you two whispering about?”

“Nothing sweetie.” he smiled at her, “We just think it’s time we got you home, and don't worry, you can stay at his place tonight, okay? I will take you for breakfast in the morning.” She reached out to Remus so she could wrap her arms around him also.

“I love you two. Do you know that? I can’t believe how fucking cute the pair of you are.” Her face fell as she looked about the place. “How are we getting home?”

 

∞

 

The moment Lily woke up she regretted it, her head was pounding and her mouth felt like she had tried to eat sand. As crappy as she felt, she could remember there wasn’t anywhere she needed to be that day, and was just about to go back to sleep, when the light reflecting on the reading lamp caught her attention. I don't have a reading lamp? 

As she slowly began to take in her unfamiliar surroundings, the smell of bacon hit her and her stomach wasn’t sure exactly how to think about this. Placing her head back down to the pillow she groaned to herself in self pity. Cursing the complete idiot who had taken over her body last night and forced her to drink way too much tequila.

Then she heard it. A male voice was singing, not badly exactly, but he was never going to sell any records. It was coming from the living space below her. She couldn’t make out the tune but he was definitely singing something dreadfully cheerful. She moved to step out of bed and realised she was only wearing her lacey shorts. Oh Fuck!  
She had no recollection of the night before, beyond some vague memories of dancing with Sirius and knocking back a lot of booze. She absolutely did not remember picking up a guy and coming back to his place. 

The apartment was a loft style so the bed she was lying on was on a mezzanine above the living space, creeping to the balcony edge she tried to sneak a peek at him, and hoped to god she would remember once she saw him. All she could see was a mop of raven black hair and bare shoulders, so it was impossible to make an impression of him.  
She spotted the large mug of tea in his hand and realised he was approaching the stairs up to her, lying almost naked. Shit! In desperation she looked around for something to cover herself up with, she almost cried out when she spotted a dark t shirt at the bottom of the bed and slipped it on. 

She was pleasantly surprised to find how good it smelled, not the freshly laundered soap smell, but a manly scent of aftershave and deodorant. Even in her hungover state she could appreciate how amazingly heady this combination was.

Before the mystery man’s head appeared she scuttled back to the head of the bed and settled herself in what she hoped to look nonchalant. The first thing she saw was his raven hair that looked extremely ruffled, she wondered if that was her doing? As the rest of him walked up the stairs she took in his toned chest and broad shoulders, and how the band of his boxers was showing above the waistband of his charcoal sweatpants. She was very disappointed that she had no memory of this man, because hot damn was he smoking hot. He had a tattoo just below his left collar bone that looked like antlers, and a tribal design on his right arm. She resisted the urge to lick her lips at him He was walking carefully up the stairs, looking down holding the mug of steaming hot liquid, he was watching his steps so he didn’t immediately notice her which gave her the chance to smooth her features and try to remove the hungry look in her eyes.

He smiled at her when he finally looked up and saw she was awake, his smile was full of perfect white teeth and sparkling eyes.

“Good morning beautiful.” His voice was deep and rich, he spoke with an easy confidence.  
She smiled back at him nervously, as he perched himself on the very end of the bed and extended his arm holding the mug to her. She took it and realised it was her preferred herbal tea. wondering at the coincidence, she closed her eyes and breathed in the steam, hoping it would work its usual magic on her. “Sorry if my clattering about in the kitchen woke you. How are you feeling?”  
She grunted a response taking a sip of the hot liquid and he snorted a half laugh back.  
“That good, eh?” 

She didn't really know how to respond to him, her head was pounding and she desperately wanted to remember how she ended up in this insanely hot guys bed. She was more than a little embarrassed about it and he looked just about as nervous as she was. was she supposed to say something? To compliment him for their night together that she had no fucking memory of? 

He ran his hands through his hair, and she wondered if he was always doing that, it would certainly explain his hair. He spotted she was now wearing presumably his shirt and he looked a little relieved. 

“You found my tee then awesome. I’m sorry about your dress, I’ve put it in the laundry but I think it’s ruined. D’you feel up to eating anything? I made waffles. You were pretty wasted last night.” she took another sip of her teao steady herself.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’m meeting a friend.” Sirius and her always went out for breakfast after a heavy night out, not that she had been doing much drinking lately. 

Hangovers and dancing were not a good mix, and Lily had been too focused on getting her spot on the salaried dancers to jeopardise that. She knew they always went out for breakfast, but she also knew that Sirius was planning on picking her up. It was a very odd floating phrase in her memory that had no context, was he picking her up from here? From their flat, or where exactly?

“Oh good you remember that, Sirius wasn’t sure that you would.” She looked at him sceptically.  
“My guard dog of a roommate let me come home with you?”

“He didn’t let me take you home, he brought you here.” If it was possible she was getting even more confused. He seemed to realise her confusion and slight discomfort at the situation, and laughed at her.  
“Don’t stress yourself out, Twinkle Toes, I slept on the couch.”

“So, we didn’t?” She felt in that instant like she wanted to either slap or snog that smirk off his gorgeous face.  
“No.”

“Did we even kiss?” He put his head to the side and shrugged as if he was trying to find the right way to explain what happened, but all she noticed was the way his muscles seemed to ripple as he made the gesture. She hid her face behind her mug again and hoped he didn’t notice her obvious staring.

“Sorry to disappoint you but no. You did get a bit handsy, but I managed to resist your charms. You passed out not long after so I carried you here.”  
Lily felt the heat burning in her cheeks and put the mug down so she could hide her face in a pillow. “Oh god, I’m such a fucking nightmare.” she peeked her head out just enough to look at him laughing at her. “Please leave me to die in shame.”

“Scouts honor I will leave you alone, if that's what you want. I just need to grab my bag, I forgot to get it last night, thats why im only half dressed” He ran his fingers through his hair again as he stood up and walked over to the corner giving Lily a lovely view of his bum as he bent over to grab it.  
“And here i was thinking you just liked to show off your body.” She replied to him a bit later than was probably normal. She saw the slight boom of colour on the back of his neck and smiled inwardly. 

The tea started to clear the fuzz from her head and she realised a few odd things.

Sirius brought her here. Fit guy slept on the couch. He kept his clothes in a suitcase when there was a set of drawers right there.

“Why’s your stuff in a bag? You going someplace?”

“I've just left someplace, this isn’t my apartment. I don’t really have a place right now. Remus is letting me crash, while he’s shacked up, for the most part, with Sirius.They brought you here so I could keep you safe. They were very concerned about you.” Lily could not stop the bitter edge to the snort she gave in reply.  
“Yeah, they were so concerned they fucked off to fuck each other.”  
“You have such a poetic turn of phrase.” The tone he used was sarcastic but his little half smile was amused. When his eyes met hers it was very hard to pull away. They were fascinating and definitely sparkled with merriment as he looked at her. 

She looked down embarrassed again and he went to move back down the stairs but before he took the first step he turned to her.

“Just so you know, I’d never take advantage of a drunk girl, even if she was begging me to, and looked as hot as you. Sirius and I are close as brothers; he knew you were safe with me. Please don’t be embarrassed; you are cute and funny when you’re drunk.” She didn't miss the fact that he called her hot, or funny, or cute, but it was what he said about Sirius that caught her immediate attention.

“You know Sirius like a brother?”

“Yeah, we met in school.” The fog lifted a little from her brain and she remembered Sirius telling her about his old school buddy, who he never saw anymore because he moved across the world for a girl. Her eyes widen in surprise, because he didn’t look at all like she had imagined Sirius and Remus’ estranged writer friend to look like.

“So you’re James,” She said it like it was the final piece of a puzzle she had been trying to figure out.  
“Guilty as charged.” He nodded very slowly as if it was obvious.

“I thought you were in Cape Town with your beautiful model wife, writing incredible romance novels, and having mind-blowing sex?” The look on his face when she blurted this out at him was a little amusing, but also made her realise what she just said to a complete stranger.

“Who told you that?” His smile was trying to make it less awkward but the pink tinge in his cheeks told her she had overstepped. He was looking anywhere but her, and she cringed at her own stupidity.  
“I’m so sorry my fucking mouth runs away with me when I’m hungover, but I heard it from Sirius. I mean who else would say such a thing? Sirius seemed to think it must have been the only reason a geek like you pulled a woman like your wife.”

“Ex-wife.” He corrected, his body language changed, like an invisible wall had just gone up, and she wished she had not mentioned her.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Sirius said you and him drifted apart. You look different from his pictures.” He looked down at himself and shrugged like it didn’t mean much to him.

“It’s amazing what a personal trainer and a partner who demands you look your best at all times can do to motivate you.” His face distorted as he thought about his ex-wife and Lily wondered about the type of woman who would let a man like this go. 

“As for said ex-wife, I found out a lot of truths about her, found out what she’d been spending my money on. When we split she took half my money, and all my inspiration.” He leaned back against the wall and sighed, the colour coming back to his cheeks more strongly this time. “As for the sex, well, I've never had any problems or complaints in that department, but I’m not one to kiss and tell.” The smirk was back again. He made his way downstairs, but as he did he talked over his shoulder to her.

“I’m gonna shower. I made some waffles. They’re on the counter if you’re feeling up to it.” 

Lily allowed herself to grin, once he could no longer see her face, and she bit her lip thoughtfully. Recently separated, superfit, and he could cook, well at least he could cook waffles. 

She slid herself off the bed and made her way downstairs were sure enough a large stack of waffles were sitting on a plate, with another plate of bacon sitting beside it. She ignored this and went to the fridge to see if Remus’ health food kick extended to having juice, she was delighted to discover that it did and started to gulp down the sweet liquid straight from the carton. 

She turned to the sound of keys turning in the lock and two male voices talking loudly and laughing. Remus was the first to enter and froze when he saw the glare Lily sent his way, when Sirius bumped into the back of him he spotted her and smiled lazily.

“I hoped you’d be up honey, you ready to go eat?”  
“And what, the fuck am I going to wear?”  
“We’ll figure something out.” The wink he gave with that reply did not fill her with confidence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to say the character Derek Wills is from the TV show smash, points to those who already spotted.

Chapter two

 

A scalding hot shower, shortly followed by fresh air, helped to lift Lily a bit, but her head was still pounding as she sat at their usual booth in Molly’s Diner. Although it had the same sterile red wipeable plastic covered booths, and white formica tables as any other diner, somehow Molly made this one feel more welcoming, more like home. 

Perhaps it was the pictures lining the walls of her family and regular customers. Sirius, and Lily were up there somewhere. Whenever they came in, this place always felt like she was a little bit closer to Mum.

It was Molly herself who came over to them with a sympathetic smile, already with Lily’s mug of herbal tea and Sirius’ large coffee in hand. She took one look at Lily and gave her a smile that was both sympathetic and,  _ what have you done to yourself now?  _ But she said nothing, just placed the mugs on the table and left. 

 

They had dressed Lily in one of Remus’ plaid shirts, belted at the waist, with the sleeves rolled up it looked more like a dress, and a pair of denim shorts that didn’t look  _ too _ big on her, which made her wonder how they would look on Remus. They must be practically indecent. On second thought, she hoped she never saw him in them,  _ ever.  _ Sirius had braided her hair to wrap around her head and now, if she did not feel okay, at least she looked passable.

“You know, I’ve never really liked that shirt on Remus. I think it looks better on you,” Sirius mused, tipping sugar into his coffee.

“Stop trying to suck up to me,” she grumbled. “I’m still mad at you. These shorts must be obscene on him, but I suppose we can be thankful your boyfriend is skinny enough that I can get away with wearing his clothes.” Sirius’ smile spoke volumes to that. 

 

“I can be thankful he’s a lot of things.” She just rolled her eyes at him as he shrugged unapologetically. “I think they were bought for Pride one year. I’ve never seen him wear them.”

 

“Can’t imagine why,” she snarked and Sirius’ look was far away again. “Please wipe that smug smile off your face. I know damn well how much you are getting it right now. You sexiled me because of it. You don’t have to rub it in. Anyway, why isn’t he here?” Sirius rolled his shoulders and took a long sip from his mug.

 

“I thought you might want to have an honest chat with me without any distractions, for either of us. And he needs to have a similar chat with James.”

 

“How do they know each other again?”

 

“They went to college together, pledged to the same frat, at the same time and all that. I met Remus a few times then when I went to visit James, but he was interested in girls then.” Sirius sounded highly amused by this. Lily knew he probably still teased poor Remus about it.

 

“Sirius, you know he probably still is. It’s not always so clear cut as you like to think it is.” He shrugged and flicked his hair back over his shoulder, an obvious sign he wanted to change the subject so Lily pressed on. “Why does James need to have a heart-to-heart with Remus anyway? If that’s what we’re supposed to be having?”

 

“His ex-wife, Clarissa.” His face darkened at the thought of this woman. “She really ripped him apart, forced him to change so much of himself. When she got the modeling job in South Africa, I was sure they would come back, once it was finished, but they never did.” He paused his mind thinking of past times. “James and I don’t do the big emotional talks, we just end up trying to make each other laugh and do stupid things, like we’re kids, so it’s better that Moony talks to him.”

 

“How are  _ we _ old enough to have friends who’re already divorced?”

 

“Well, James has always been a feet first, think later kind of a guy.”

 

“Really? What else is he like?” She tried to keep her voice casual and sound like she was just interested for the sake of being friends but somehow, like always, Sirius picked up on her.,

 

“Oh please, honey, not James. He’s too fragile for you.” 

 

She sat up sharply at this and looked at him in shock. “What the fuck does that mean?”

 

“I mean, when he falls, he falls hard and fast. He has never been able to keep perspective in a relationship. Long term is not really your thing, sweetie. You’d eat him alive.” 

 

She looked out the window at his words. She couldn’t stop picturing James with his broad shoulders and wondered what he would taste like if she did get the chance to eat him.

 

“I'm not against long term.” She kept her voice light, but he scoffed immediately.

 

“You  _ hate _ clingy men. Any time you think they want to take it further or want to take up more of your time, you find ways to finish things.” 

 

“Perhaps I just haven’t met the kind of guy I want to stay attached to.” She bit her lip as she imagined clinging on to James in a very more-than-friends way. 

 

Sirius groaned loudly. “Please stop picturing you and him. I haven’t eaten yet and I want to keep my appetite.”

 

“Oh please. Don’t be so dramatic. And anyway, how come you don’t look like hell this morning?”

 

“Sweetheart, I can handle my drink,” he informed her grandly. Then added in a more conspiratorial tone, “Plus, I stopped when you didn’t ease up and looked like you’d need help getting home.” He paused and took a long sip from his mug. “And that is why I wanted to talk to you alone today. Why  _ were _ you drinking like that?” 

 

Lily didn’t really want to answer him. It would mean that she had to admit that the A-hole of a choreographer had got to her, that it didn’t seem to matter how hard she trained now, those below her were all just a little bit quicker, a little bit more graceful. 

 

Derek Wells had voiced all her nagging doubts and somehow made them more real. She didn’t want to talk about it, not yet. She felt that sharing this anxiety would make it more real.

 

“And about that, how dare you ditch me?” 

 

Sirius gave her a patient look and raised an elegant eyebrow. “I didn’t  _ ditch  _ you. I put you in a safe place with a responsible adult. Please don’t try to change the subject.” Sirius was being as dogged as ever to get her to talk but she was equally determined not to share.

 

“I let things get to me a little, because look at us, look at me! I’m twenty seven, still nothing more than a backup dancer, still going nowhere, still so fucking poor I can barely afford my share of the rent. I just wanted, for one night at least, to let my hair down, okay?” He put his hands up in mock surrender, finally dropping the subject, accepting this was the sole reason. Wile her own mind turned back to James once more. “Are you sure your friend is that responsible? He could have done anything to me.” 

 

“Oh please. James is a fucking boy scout. He would never do anything like that, and it seems to me you are more than a little disappointed.” His smirk made her flush a little and look down at her cup, playing with the string of the teabag.

 

“I didn’t say that.” She tried to defend but she knew he could see straight through her.

 

“Lily, you are talking to me. You didn’t have to. Yes, I can’t deny he’s a fit guy, very easy on the eyes, a massive change from the kid at high school. He’s not my type, of course, and even if he was, I don't have the assets he’s interested in.” 

 

Lily closed her eyes and she saw a flash of a memory from last night. She had tried to get James to put his hands on her ass, and he had refused her, very gently telling her he wasn’t going to be that guy.

 

“He didn’t seem all that interested in mine. And I’m  _ not _ disappointed, because if it ever  _ did _ happen I would want to fucking remember, and you know, be conscious. But I made such a fool of myself with him I’ve thrown that chance away. I was practically naked when I woke up, he must’ve seen everything.” She held her head in her hands once more, she couldn’t believe how embarrassingly brazen she must have been last night. 

 

A man that ticks every box in her head, who was such a fucking gentleman, and she had to behave like a complete ass. Sirius seemed to take pity on her as she slumped down burying her head in the crook of her arm as it rested on the table.

 

“Oh believe me he was interested, but no, he didn’t see anything. I undressed you.” She blinked at him and raised her head for a moment.

 

“You did?” He nodded at her with a knowing wink.

 

“He was very insistent he didn't see anything, accidentally or otherwise, so I did it, hideous as your body is.” Sirius laid his arm up over the back of the booth,  _ could a man ever look more laid back that him?  _ “He carried you up the stairs, but you’d passed out in his arms. Up to that point you’d been holding your own rather well considering how much tequila you put away.”

 

“I’m never fucking drinking again,” she complained into her arm, Sirius’ only response to that was a soft chuckle. She was just about to dive into another large bought of self pity when her phone started to buzz, she looked at the screen and groaned when she saw the dance studio number. 

 

“You get it; I just can’t deal right now.” She begged him and he slid a hand through his hair in a nonchalant way.

 

“I am not your personal assistant.” His tone was sulky but she knew he was going to do it, especially when she gave him her big doe eyes. With a put upon sign he picked up her phone.

 

“Hello, Lily Evans’ Phone, yes?” She hoped the person on the other end of the line did not pick up on his tone. He gave nothing away to her as he listened with mock seriousness, by the time he was putting the phone down, with a final “She’ll be there,” her eyes were pleading with him to tell her what it was.

 

“Well?”

 

“You have a callback,” he stated simply like it wasn’t a big deal, which it wasn’t really, apart from the fact she has not needed to audition for anything lately. She frowned at him in confusion.

 

“What do you mean?” He smirked at her, enjoying the power, and making her pay for not answering her own phone in the first place. “Just tell me, Dip-shit.” He frowned at the insult, but ignored it, as she had called him far worse in the past, and meant it.

 

“That choreographer dude wants you to meet him at the studio. Something about auditioning for more stuff.” She couldn’t help the groan that came out of her, she’d drunk way too much last night, and was in no condition to perform any kind of thing, her head was a throbbing mess, and she knew her balance was way off. 

 

She was tempted to just call back and cancel, he was an asshole after all, but she knew she couldn’t say no. Careers depended on being reliable and available, at short notice, so she knew she was just going to find a way to get herself in a  _ good enough _ condition to dance. 

 

“When do I have to be there?”

 

“Two this afternoon.” She looked at the clock on the wall that read Eleven-Fifteen. She wanted to yell out in frustration because  _ fuck,  _ but as she turned her head back she noticed a few families at the other booths and thought better of it. 

 

The smell of the Pancakes Molly brought to them was heavenly, and she asked her in desperation if she had any really good hangover cures.

 

The motherly lady smiled and winked at the pair of them.

“I might have just the thing.”

 

ထ

Remus walked into his apartment with a bag of groceries,and looked around for James. He didn’t have too look too far before he saw him sitting at the rarely used desk in the corner, laptop open and a collection of handwritten notes around him. Remus looked on in pleased surprise.

“You’re writing?”

James did not look up from his typing. “I woke up with an idea, I had to write it down. It’s turned into a concept.” Remus could not stop the grin spreading across his face as he turned to put the groceries away.

“What d’you think brought this on?” Remus closed the fridge door and looked at all the photos on it. Lily kissing Sirius’s cheek, Lily kissing his cheek, and a collection of photos of the three of them with the pop star Angel, Lily’s dark red hair and wide smile shining out.

“Sorry you had to sleep on the couch last night. I feel like we’ve dumped a lot on you lately.”

“Nah, it was fine, Lily’s pretty cool. I’m glad you thought of me to look after her.”

“How’re you feeling, you know, about moving here and stuff?”

“You don’t have to skirt around it, you can say her name. And honestly, I’m not thinking much about Clarissa at all. I did all my soul searching, and processing before I left. You don’t have to worry about me sinking into depression Remus, I’m more likely to throw a celebration party than a pitty one.” 

“As long as I know you’re okay. I feel bad about leaving you on your own.”

“As difficult as it might be to tell, I am a grown man, and quite capable of looking after myself.” he smirked at his friend. “I appreciate the concern moons, but honestly I’m doing fine. When I have an idea I’m better if I’m left alone anyway” They didn’t say anything else while Remus unpacked the rest of the groceries, the only other noise James’ soft taps on the keyboard and an occasional mutter. 

 

“You wanna stop for lunch? We’re going to Hank's?” Remus asked, James turned around as if he was thinking about it then shook his head and returned to his work.

 

“Er, no, I wouldn’t want to be the third wheel with you two, and I’m in the middle of this, you go have fun.”

 

“You wouldn't be intruding, I think Lily is coming too?” The typing stopped again and he turned looking a little brighter.

“Is she?”

 

“I know they don’t have work today, so probably.” James seemed to consider his options stretching his arms above his head then ruffling his hair. 

“Well, perhaps i should take a break, i’ll just go smarten myself up.” Remus smirked at his friend as he rushed past him. 

Taking out his phone he tapped out Sirius’ number.

 

“Hey babe” Sirius answered after two rings.

“Hey, James is coming too. Is Lily?” There was rustling on the phone for a minute and some jangling keys before Sirius answered.

“Eh no, she’s got a callback”

“Really? Well tell her good luck from us.”

“Will do. I’m heading out now, if im there first I’ll get a table.” Sirius’ voice was echoing, and he could hear the sound of his footsteps as he trotted down the stairs. “Tell James I’m excited to catch up with him.”

“And what about me?” Remus asked mock offended.

“I'm sure you are excited to catch up with him too. I love ya babe, gotta go bye.”

“Love you too.”  

  
  


ထ

  
  


The dance studio was quiet when Lily arrived, on time, with her bag of dance shoes. 

 

They had not said what type of dance she would be doing, so she had come prepared. It was odd to walk the normally bustling halls with her footfalls the only sound, for once not hearing four or five different kinds of music clashing and echoing down the corridors as she walked past. 

 

All the dancers had wrapped yesterday, so there was no reason to hang around. The usual hubbub of noise that she found peaceful, familiar was gone, and the emptiness was eerie, silent, so she made her way quickly to her destination. 

 

Studio four, where they had rehearsed yesterday, was on the upper floor. It was her favourite room in the whole building, as it actually had full sized windows, you could stand on the edge of, and look out onto the busy street below. It was not the windows she looked at today however, but the man standing alone in the centre of the room. 

 

He was wearing dark jeans and a tight fitting navy tee shirt; his arms were folded across his chest with a few papers in one hand tucked under his arm. He turned to her as he heard her come in and smiled one of those little British greeting smiles, that managed to be polite but not at all warm.

 

“Ah, miss Evans, I appreciate you arriving on time.” She wondered if that was a slight dig to her for yesterday, but unless someone told him, and that wasn’t completely out the realm of possibility, he would not have any reason to do so. She decided to not read anything in to it as she dropped her bag down by the door, she was on time and he was happy about it, nothing more than that.

“I got a call you wanted to see me?” She kept her tone as light and polite as she could, he might be an ass but he was an ass with a lot of connections and Lily needed to get on in her career.

 

“Yes, I have another small project I have been working on, and I would really love it if you could create something to show at it. Something to inspire the next generation.” His tone was much more friendly than it had been the day before, perhaps he only felt the need to insult with an audience. She did not want to do anything for this guy, but her professional curiosity had been peaked.

 

“Any particular style or genre?”

 

“Contemporary meets commercial dance, but the music and theme is entirely your choice.” She nodded her head slowly, thinking it over.

 

“And you really want  _ me _ to do it?” she could not keep the scepticism out of her voice, “yesterday you told me I was past my prime. In front of a group of my peers you said, my best years are behind me, and now you want me to help you?” She was trying her best to keep her cool with him but her temper had a will of its own sometimes. 

 

Derek did not seem to be offended in the least by her tone; in fact he seemed more pleased. He handed her the papers, and she looked down at it briefly but did not bother to read right now.

 

“You would be helping yourself not me. Some very influential people are planning to attend this. The kind of people who could elevate your career if you do a good job, and don’t fuck it up.” He shrugged, “as for the other day, I’m always hard on those I feel need a push. Your motivation is going, you don’t want to dance other people’s choreography. You want to stand out for your own work and not be someone else’s puppet. You deserve to be more than the backing dancer to some auto-tuned airhead singer. Wouldn’t you prefer to be the one directing the dancers?”

 

“You saw me on Angel’s tour?”

 

“You were noticeably better than anyone else, your star quality shone out. I was told you had a lot of input on your solo dance, you have a great deal of raw talent. I don't say these things quickly or lightly.” He had stepped closer to her as he spoke, and his body language put her immediately on guard. He must have noticed her stiffen because he backed away with a shrug, as if he hadn’t been about to hit on her.

 

“You think I could choreograph other dancers?”

 

“I think you have the potential, enough that I am willing to give you a shot at least, all the details of what is required and the date for the presentation is in there. Feel free to use this space, for the remainder of the time it is booked for. I had hoped you would consider joining me for dinner later?” His smile was charming and she did consider his offer, but then the face of a bespectacled man with a riot of black hair sprang to mind and she couldn’t shake the strange feeling.

 

“Thanks for the offer, I’m flattered but I already have plans for this evening.” She, wasn’t exactly lying, her plan was to cozy up on the couch and catch up on the bachelor. “Plus I make it a habit  _ not _ to date my bosses, or potential bosses.” Once again he didn’t seem all that disappointed in her reaction.

 

“That is perfectly understandable Miss Evans; I look forward to seeing your work, I sincerely hope you don’t disappoint.” And with those words ringing in her ears he left her standing there a million and one things going on in her head. 

 

She went to stand on the window ledge and look down on the street, watched him climb into his shiny black limo and drive off. This was her chance; this was a real opportunity to prove to herself that she was good enough. She ran back to her bag and got out her phone and her shoes.

Scrolling through her music she made a playlist of a few possibilities and got to work.

She did not realise how long she had been there until Alice the receptionist came to tell her she was locking up.

  
  
  


ထ

 

Lily was still looking through her music as she walked home, the city streets were hot, and her brain felt just as fried, she needed sleep, and a chance to let her body recover from the alcohol and whatever had been in that concoction that Molly had made for her. She felt like she would never get enough rest.

 

She hated walking out, still in her sweat soaked kit. Alice had been very apologetic about having to kick her out, but also insistent, and she never felt good any time she had to give Alice a hard time about something. 

 

By the time she made it back to her shared apartment block she felt like she was covered in an additional layer of grime from the city. All she wanted was a shower, then her bed with the ac on and hang the expense she needed it today.

 

What she wasn’t expecting as she wrestled with the front door, was to be picked up and swirled around like a rag doll as soon as she stepped in the apartment. Sirius was laughing and whooping, as he chucked her about, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

 

“What are you doing loser?” she chuckled at him when she had breath to breathe.

 

“I’m in.” He whooped excitedly. “I’m back on tour!”

 

“What tour?” He looked at her like she was being stupid, but seemed to be too excited to manage a scathing remark. Thankfully he had to put her down so mhe could have a proper look at her, she gave him a glare in response.

 

“Angel’s tour, the one we did last year?”

 

“Yes, I remember what I did last year,” she said but her lips were twitching into a smile to show that she wasn't being harsh with him. He rolled his eyes at her but he was still bouncing around the room like an excited puppy.

 

“One of the dancers has had to pull out, and I’m in. It’s short notice we need to be locked into rehearsal camp tonight. I might be able to swing you into it too?”

 

Her tiredness was melting away at his unstoppable energy and she couldn’t help but feel pleased for him. He was spinning now and spun into his bedroom to start packing. Lily followed him as far as his door frame and leaned on it to watch him scramble around his room.

 

“Rehearsal camp? Is that really what they are calling it? It doesn't really matter about getting me into it too, thanks for the offer though. I've got another job so can't do it.” Sirius didn’t stop throwing tee shirts in the direction of his case on the bed but he did glance at her. 

 

“You do? Oh well that’s great, you will be busy with other things, so you won't be sitting in the apartment pining for me all sad and lonely.”

“As if i would miss your ass.” he just chuckled at her remark.

“What’s your thing? It’s not with that asshole choreographer is it?” This time he did stop what he was doing, his eyes expectant.

 

“It’s his production company, but not him directly.” Sirius scowled doubtfully and she quickly changed the subject, she was not entirely sure what Sirius would think about her working with Derek. “Anyway, today’s not about me, we need to celebrate this.” she put as much cheer as she could muster into her words, “Call Remus. And James, I’m gonna jump in the shower.” If Sirius was about to comment on her pause over James’ name he did not get the chance to comment, because Remus’s ringtone started to play from his phone, Sirius looked at the screen nervously, clutching a rumpled shirt in his hands. Lily noticed he had changed the picture to a very cute pick of Remus winking at the camera. 

 

“How do I tell him I’m leaving?” Lily rolled her eyes at his lameness as she walked to the bathroom and shouted over her shoulder to him.

 

“It’s work. You’re not  _ leaving _ him.”

 

Lily couldn’t wait to get in the shower, she peeled herself out of the sweaty lycra waiting for it to warm up, she felt the fatigue hit her as the excitement for her best mate died down, the water pressure was always disappointing, and it never quite got hot enough for her liking, but as she stepped in, letting  the water run over her face and down her body, she felt some of the pressure lift off her shoulders. She started to hum to herself without realising, and almost jumped out of her skin when the bathroom door clattered against the wall sending shock waves through the room.

“Jesus Christ!” she yelled, as the shower curtain was pulled aside and Sirius’ face appeared.

“I can’t believe it, he’s coming too he just got the call! Holy fuck this day can’t get any better, they are going to meet us at Frankie’s.” She stopped his talking with an aggravated gesture flicking soapy bubbles at him.

“Sirius, what the fuck? You’re excited and I’m happy for you, but I’m in the shower so fuck off!”

  
  
  
  
  


ထ

Frankie’s was a little quieter than previous nights and the four friends were able to get a booth easily. Lily was still not feeling the best but she had managed to rest for a few hours before going out and was better than she had been before. 

 

There was a slightly awkward moment when Remus forced Sirius into one side of the booth, leaving her to sit by James. She smiled nervously at him as he gestured for her to sit first pushing his glasses back up his nose and running a hand through his hair, messing up any styling he had even tried. 

She wanted to put the awkwardness of the morning behind her, had it only been that morning she had woken up in a strange bed? In  _ his _ bed. He looked good, his dark blue, short sleeved button down shirt, fitted him really well, and his jeans hugged his butt in a way she wished she could. She tried to tell herself she had not dressed for him, had not shaved her legs for him, but she was a fucking liar. Because holy fuck was he gorgeous, and not in the overproduced model way, he was all casual, relaxed, his smile was easy, his expressions open. His hazel eyes melted like chocolate when he looked at her, making her whole body quiver in return, she was alive with the anticipation of what it could be like to be with him. 

 

They ordered a lot of food from the bar, but Frank’s was no gourmet establishment so everything came deep fried, in plastic baskets and wax paper, as always it tasted amazing, most likely due to the fact it was all the kinds of food Lily didn’t often let herself have.

It did not take them long to demolish most of the food. Remus was hand feeding Sirius, looking so preoccupied with each other it forced Lily to try for small talk with James, and for the most part they were getting on well, when she forgot to be mortified, he was full of funny stories about growing up with Sirius, and meeting Remus at College.

 

“So perhaps you can tell me how Remus got his nickname?” Lily spotted a left mozzarella stick and tried not to look like a starved child as she nibbled on it delicately. “He refuses to tell me.”

 

“I would have thought it was obvious.” James replied, but she just shook her head and shrugged. “Okay, well it’s not that much of a story, just during our pledge week we were asked to do something  _ memorable _ in front of a crowd so, ‘Moony’ flashed his ass on the quad.” Lily looked at Remus in shock. He just shrugged and winked at her.

“It worked, didn’t it!”

“Sorry i missed that.” Sirius purred, making Lily feel like she was interrupting a private moment, she looked away catching James’ eye, they shared a glance for a brief moment before looking away from each other, uncomfortable. Lily searched for something else to say.

 

“So, if it was for every pledge. What did you do?” She asked him, pointedly ignoring the kissing couple, here he went very quiet and rearranged his hair again. Remus perhaps wasn’t quite as distracted as she had though because it was him who answered.

 

“ _ Prongs _ decided to take the stags head from the dean's office, stick the antlers to the side of a football helmet, and run out onto the field before a game wearing it.” she could not help but laugh at that. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“Coach went ballistic, I was banned from the stadium, but I won the mission, it was very memorable.”

“Did you play?”

“Not at college level, for a while at high school but my heart was never in it.” Lily smiled as she fished around in the baskets for another deep fried morsel.“I don’t know how you can eat so much high fat food and still look so smoking’ hot?” James commented, a slight sheen to his cheeks. 

 

She had not been keeping track of how many beers they had all drunk, but she had noticed James was never without  a bottle in hand. She wondered how many he had actually consumed, noticing the bloom of colour across his cheeks, the glassiness of his eyes, and the way he was lounging in his seat becoming more relaxed. She tried a shy smile at the compliment, but she still couldn’t entirely shake the embarrassment of the night before, especially now she had a few horrific memories of her throwing herself at him. Not drinking was helping her to focus she would  _ not _ be making a fool of herself like that again.

 

“Perk of being a pro dancer,” she quipped lightly, “but I don't eat like this very often. It’s important to have a healthy diet, this is a treat for me, so I’m going to take advantage.” Their knees had been touching for a while and Lily, in a moment of boldness stroked her hand down his bicep that was stretching the fabric off his short sleeved shirt, something her mind had been obsessed about since the first time he flexed it sipping from his beer. He met her eye when she touched him and she half expected him to pull away, but he didn’t. She could feel the intense heat from his body under her fingertips and felt her own body respond, watched him gulp slightly.

 

“You haven’t eaten much. You must need to keep a pretty strict diet to maintain your own,” she bit her lip thoughtfully as she tried to find the word. “Physique.” James looked away from her down at the table and cleared his throat a little awkwardly.

 

“I honestly don’t try to stay in shape, not since I came back anyway. Eating right is just second nature to me now, but I do miss running, it always clears my head. I guess I need to find a gym, but I have always preferred to run outside.”

 

“Me too! There are a few good running routes through central park; I use them sometimes when I’m in-between jobs.” taking out her phone she quickly found the map routes she had saved on it. “What’s your number and I’ll send you the info?” she slid even closer to hand him her phone, she noticed his hesitation as he took out his own cell.

 

“I just got it so I don't know the number yet. Here, why don’t you put your number in? If these two are going to be away for awhile, you might need me for something.” she took the phone but couldn’t stop the sceptical look.

“Need you for what?”

 

His little shy shrug was adorable

“Oh I don't know, opening a pickle jar, carrying something heavy. Any manly task you can think of.” she tried her best to let him know how lame he was being by shaking her head, but couldn’t stop the smile creeping up her lips.

“I’m sure I can find a use for you.” James flashed her a wickedly delighted smile in return and for a brief moment she forgot her awkwardness.   

 

“Lily, will you help me grab another round?” Sirius’ voice seemed to break her from a spell, that and the significant look her roomie was throwing at her. James didn’t notice, as he was sliding out the way to let her past. Sirius practically dragged her over to the bar, where he immediately rounded on her.

 

“What are your intentions towards James?” Lily’s snort spoke volumes.

“My Intentions? Are we in some British drama?” The look on his face made her drop the joke. Sirius did not look amused in the least.

 

“You know I love you, and I want the best for you, for both of you. Even though I’ve not seen him the last few years doesn’t mean I love him any less. He’s my brother, in all but blood; he stood up for me at a time nobody else in my life gave a damn. I owe him so much I’d never become a dancer if it weren’t for him.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Lily looked at him in confusion, not sure why he was being this way. He took a deep sigh, and spoke to her gently.

 

“I am telling you this so you can understand. I know him, sometimes better than he knows himself, and I know your track record. If he’s just some itch you want to scratch you can stop right now and find another poor schmuck to warm your bed because James is special, and he doesn’t deserve that.” She crossed her arms.

 

“What if he’s the one with an itch to scratch? He’s not exactly telling me to back off?” Her tone was sulky and surly she really didn’t feel ready to admit how she felt about James to anyone. Did  _ she _ even know how she felt? He was hot, and really easy to talk to, and looked at her in a way that made her feel like jumping on his lap, and losing her fingers in his hair.

 

“I have known him since we were kids, and in that time he has never, not once, had a casual fling. Like I told you before he puts his heart into everything he does.” She wanted to yell at him in response, the arrogance of Sirius to think that she couldn’t have a normal relationship, that James wasn’t enough of a grownup to not get his heart broken again. It wasn’t fair, after all the angst and doubt she had fielded, before he and Remus finally got their shit together. When she opened her mouth to tell him this, her arms eyes flashing, he put up his hand to stop her.

 

“I'm not saying don't be his friend because, damn it he needs more than just moons and me. Largely due to that bitch queen from hell driving all his other friends away.” he took her by the shoulders and pierced lily with his blue-eyed stare. “What I am saying is if you want to be  _ more  _ than friends make sure you are ready for what that could mean to him, and perhaps more importantly what it could mean to our cosy little quartet. I thought I’d lost him before, now he’s back and i’m not losing him again.” All of a sudden Lily understood what Sirius was really afraid of, his eyes were pleading with her. The lonely boy from a broken up home did not want his new family being disrupted by dysfunctional relationships or the potential to be caught in the middle of one again.

“It’s Okay Sirius, I understand.” but as they walked back to the table with a fresh bucket of beers, and James gave her such a lovely friendly smile, she wondered if she could stop herself. He got out from the booth to let her slide back in but before she could Sirius took the place instead.

 

“We have been neglecting our friends Moons, perhaps if I keep you at arm's length I will not be so tempted.” He added with a wink. The subtlety of his remark was not lost on her, but James just seemed to accept this and settled back down next to his friend.

 

The conversation flowed around her for the rest of the night, her thoughts somewhere else, she tried her best to stay in the moment, but she couldn’t keep her mind away from Sirius’ words and the personal dilemma in her own head. James kept trying to engage her in the conversation but her short answers and distracted looks made his confident smile slip and it wasn’t long before he stopped trying, and Lily’s heart sank a little, could she find a balance? Could she  _ ever  _ just be his friend? 

Sirius’ cell started to bleep a moment before Remus got a call.

“It’s time for us to go.” Sirius tells them all without needing to.  

ထ

The coach waiting to take her friends away from her, was large and looked like something from the set of a sci-fi film. On the side was a graphic of Angel, in full flow singing into a microphone, he still managed to look amazing with his eyes screwed up tight. 

Lily was considering this image while the driver was carefully arranging all the bags into the hold. There were a dozen other people milling about waiting to board, and about twice that number again waiting to say goodbye. This was the first time in her career she was on this side of the crowd. She suppressed the pang of jealousy, she didn’t want to be joining them this time, she had a new opportunity, and she would squeeze everything she could out of herself to get onto that next level. 

 

Lily hated this, the goodbye part, it was always the worst part of friendships. She was going to miss these two clowns; face time was never quite enough. James was being overly cheerful to Sirius and Remus, possibly a side effect from the beer, more likely he was being that way just to keep his friends from worrying about him. Lily put on her best cheerful smile too, and decided to join in on the hugging, Remus spotted her and opened his arms wide. She loved his hugs he always squeezed just the right amount.

 

“Why are you so down?” He asked quietly into her hair, as they embraced. “We won't be gone that long and I’ll make sure we face time with you everyday if you want?”

 

“It’s not that,” she sighed, “it's just something Sirius said to me, about James.” Remus held her out at arms length so he could look at her face and brushed his hand across her cheek looping the loose strands of hair behind her ear again.

 

“Believe it or not, he doesn’t tell me everything so I am going to need more than that.” Remus’s amused smirk made her lip twitch begrudgingly.

“He told me not to mess with James’ head, that he doesn’t do casual relationships and I don’t do anything else.” Remus shook his head in a resigned way.

 

“I will have to have words with that man. Perhaps, once, that was true, but I don’t believe you are incapable of relationships, you just haven’t found the right fit. And as for James well it’s a bit of a useless point now.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“James was writing today, which means he has something, or someone he wants to write about. It also means he’s stopped thinking about his ex, and is into someone new.” Lily looked away trying not to show her disappointment, surprising herself how upset she was that James had already found someone else, so he was only being friendly at the bar. Remus started to laugh at her and she gave him a scowl, making him hug her close again and whisper in her ear.

“That person is  _ you _ Lily, so it doesn’t really matter at this point what you think about him, he is already well on his way to falling for you.” She stepped away from him, looking stunned. “What  _ does matter _ is how you act upon it, because I really don’t want to see Sirius in the middle of another broken relationship.” 

 

“You know I could never do that to him, I love him way too much. Also I’d be terrified he’d choose James over me.”

 

“Nah, he would never do that, it would be like choosing between two favourite pets.” She gave him a slight jab in the ribs for that, then immediately regretted it when he winced.

 

“I am so sorry love, I forget sometimes how fragile you are.”

 

“Way to boost a guy's ego Lils!” He snorted rubbing his side, “it’s okay honestly I just bruise like soft fruit.”

 

“Rems I love you so much, you are adorable. What am I going to do? I like him,  _ a lot.  _ You are telling me he likes me too this should be easy. I have no idea how to advance things. Why is this not easy?” Remus was just about to respond when a whistle sounded behind them, announcing it was time to board. She squeezed him tight once more. “I am going to miss you so much, look after our boy.” She kissed his cheek and thanked her lucky stars the day this beautiful man stumbled into their life.

 

“I will do, and about James? Well just make sure that you make yourself clear with him. If its just friends say that, if it’s something more, tell him exactly how much more you want it to be.” He turned around to see Sirius waving for him to get on the bus. “I gotta go gorgeous- -love you!” And with a quick hug to James he stepped onto the coach leaving her standing  _ alone  _ with James.

 

They watched the coach depart together, Lily feeling more and more uncertain about what to do, standing this close to him she could smell his cologne, the same amazing smell she got from wearing his t shirt. She decided to pre-empt any more flirting and offered him her hand.

 

“Well it was nice to see you again James, take care.” James just stood there for a moment eyeing her hand like it was going to bite him, before he took it in his, shaking it just as formally.

“You too miss Evans.” His smile was amused and a little arrogant, so she didn’t feel bad at all turning around and leaving him stood there. She has only gone a few steps when he caught up to her.

 

“I’m sorry but you have to at least let me walk you home.” His voice was strong and full of concern for her. 

“It’s okay, it’s not far. I walk home all the time”

“That isn’t the point, this is New York, it’s dark, and the streets are full of weirdos.” She didn’t even pause for a moment before she replied.

“One of which is walking beside me.”

“Ouch, that hurts. I thought you liked me. We were having a great talk at the bar, you even forgot to be embarrassed, then all of a sudden, I’m getting ignored.” She stopped to look at him, wondering how to explain it all to him, but she just shook her head and went back to walking briskly home.

“You don't have to walk me home, im a big girl you know. Besides you’re not my usual type, if we got together it would be a complete fucking disaster, especially for our friends when it all blew up in our faces”

 

“Who said anything a getting together? I thought we were just talking.” He paused thinking it over. “Why'd you think we’d be a disaster?” He continued to walk beside her, occasionally turning his whole body towards her, one hand buried deep in his pocket, his tone had changed now, something deep and soft, she really didn’t want to look at him right now, to gauge the reaction on his face. Instead she plowed on, explaining it as much to herself as to him. 

“Because, all my relationships end in disaster, that’s why. When they realise my work, and my friends, are way more important to me than anything they can offer, they tend to get upset and leave. I don’t have time for relationships, I don’t  _ make  _ the time.” She turned to face him and really properly look at him. Looked at the way his hair misbehaved, the constant sparkle in his eyes clearly visible behind his stylish glasses, the slight brush of stubble across his sharp edged jaw, the way his fingers were twitching by his side as if tapping out an unheard beat, and the way his eyes were looking at her right now, as if he could undress her right there. 

 

“We would be a disaster, Cause you and I are completely different. You are the type of guy who remembers anniversaries, birthdays, wants to spend weekends working on the house, and taking the kids to soccer practice, because you are the type of guy who wants to cuddle at night and makes you feel like nothing else in the world could ever matter.” Her voice was a breathy whisper when she finished, and the hunger in his eyes looked even stronger now, she turned away from his gaze, frightened to match the intensity.

 

“Is that such a bad thing?” He asked quietly catching up to her again. “Yes, I want to have a family, be a good husband, and have a quiet comfortable life in the suburbs.” He ran his hands through his hair looking frustrated. 

 

“What the fuck did Sirius say to you at the bar? How could you possibly make so many assumptions about me when we have only just met? Newsflash you're not my type either!” Lily couldn’t help but snort at that in disbelief.

 

“Yeah right, you’ve been trying to undress me with your eyes since we were in the bar.”

 

“That’s it! That is exactly the reason why you aren’t my type, too goddamn full of yourself. Yes you are smoking hot, and perhaps I did consider it, but you can’t seem to accept that someone might not be into you.”

“That’s not it at all.” She spoke softly, like velvet over steel, she wanted him to understand, wanted him to know she could see right through him. “I can accept that. I just can’t accept it applies to you.” They were now standing outside her apartment. His eyes were angry now; lily did not know why she was happy that he was.

“Your too fucking full of yourself for me.” He muttered angrily. 

 

“Oh please, if I hooked my finger, you would be straight up those stairs with me.” She stepped up to stand impossibly close to him, her brain was full of the intoxicating scent of him, she knew in her head, this was exactly what she wanted to happen, she wanted him, but wanted him to be just angry enough that he wouldn’t want to see her again, but just turned on enough to follow her up those stairs. She could not go on without knowing how he tasted, how it would feel to be pressed into a mattress by his body. She could have her slice of honey cake and not have the disappointment of when it all ended. 

“I know what you’re trying to do.” She felt his words rumble in his chest as his eyes looked down on her darkly. She returned his gaze, her eyes as wide and innocent as she could make them. Her whole body felt superheated, blood pounding through her veins filling her ears with the sound of her own heartbeat. “Don’t play games with me Evans” She placed a hand on his chest one finger slipping between the buttons of his shirt, the touch of his skin was electric. She parted her lips slightly inviting him in for a kiss, she tried not to smile as his head dipped to hers but instead of kissing her, his lips moved to her ear.

 

“I’m not that easy, and you. won’t. win.” He stepped back from her with a smirk hands sliding back into his pockets, she folded her arms crossly waiting for him to smack his stupid head on something as he continued to walk backwards watching her. Eventually taking a hand out his pocket he mock saluted her turned on his heel then walked away. 

 

_ Well fuck!  _ She thought to herself, why on earth did she have to be such a bitch? and why did he need to be such a fucking gentleman? Watching him walk away made her truly realise he was worth all the risks of heartbreak, but she had probably ruined any chance she ever had.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I hope you don’t hate me, it I’ll all work out some how I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to alringhtginger and theravenclawmouse for being my betas.  
> this will end in the next chapter.

Chapter Three

  
  


Over the next few days Lily threw herself into her project and forgot about stupid James, with his stupid hair, ridiculous shoulders, and his annoyingly gorgeous smile.

Her days started to blur together, anything to take her mind of how she felt standing on the street watching him walk away from her. 

 

She would get up, get herself ready, eat a couple of granola bars for breakfast if she felt like it, and if she  _ didn’t  _ feel like it, she’d throw them in her bag to eat later.  _ Then _ , after all that, she’d go to the dance studio, where they were being more than generous about letting her use the space gratis. Once there, she would work out her routine, practice, eat something, practice, make corrections, and practice some more. Finally, she would go home when the studio kicked her out, eat again, practice on the roof until it got too dark to see, and then collapse in bed, too tired to move.

There were a few things that brightened up this monotony. Remus and Sirius sent her regular snaps, and texts. She even got a snap of Angel with Remus telling her he missed her, and Sirius was out of control without her. 

She was standing in their tiny kitchen trying to find the motivation to go to the studio again when Sirius called. 

“Morning darling, what’s the plan for today?” He asked when she answered

“Nothing more than normal, just about to head out.”

“Please for the love of god, Lils, do something else today. You need to rest, even the rehearsal natzis here give us days off to recover. I wish I was there to look after you.”

“You? Look after me?” She scoffed. “Angel said you are going wild without my influence.” She could  picture the hair flip in his response. 

“Angel is keeping my boyfriend all to himself. They don’t give him the same days off as me. So  _ of course _ I’m going to create a little mischief.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, sweetheart. I know you too well.”

“I wasn’t.” She replied all too innocently, he chuckled.

“Promise you’ll take today off? Don’t make me quit this shindig and come running home.”

“I promise love.”

“It’s going to be amazing, Lils. I can feel it. But it’s never gonna be anything if you don’t look after yourself.”

“Yes, okay don’t be such a nag.”

“I only do it ‘cos I love you darling.”

“I love you too. Give Remus an uncomfortable hug from me.”

 

If she thought about it, she  _ was  _ feeling a little tired today. Her calves were aching and her shoulders were stiff. She needed a really good stretch and she hadn’t eaten many proper meals beyond sandwiches in ages. Sighing she changed out of her dance clothes and grabbed her yoga mat.

 

Molly’s was not her favourite place to go on her own, but it was close to her place, cheap, and the specials were always really tasty. Molly was a really good cook, and always piled way too much on Lily’s plate. With a full stomach, she was feeling much better about taking a day for herself. She needed to make some calls, and ask a few favours anyway. After her chat with Sirius she felt a little more confident about dealing with things she had been putting off. She would set her yoga mat out in the park and enjoy the day.

She looked at her phone again, studying the message she had received a few days earlier. The message she had been trying to forget and obsessing over simultaneously.

  
  


**JAMES**

Hope you’re doing ok

Haven’t heard from you

I’m sorry about the other night

I was a jerk, but you annoyed me, so I 

Just couldn’t stop myself.

 

She had read it over so many times she knew what it said without looking, she sighed and looked out the window trying to arrange her feelings. She rubbed her eyes, then tapped out a reply.

 

**LILY**

It was all my fault, I’m sorry too.

Do you wanna meet up?

 

Looking down at the message with her finger hovering over the send button, she decided against it and deleted it instead.  _ This is ridiculous, what am I doing? _ Determinedly, she typed out another message and sent it before she had time to think herself out of it again.

 

**LILY**

I’m sorry too. I was being a bitch.

I would like us to try and be friends?

 

She put the phone back down on the table and it buzzed almost immediately.

 

**JAMES**

Sure thing ;-)

 

She smiled at the screen, feeling a little bit better, and less alone in this big city. Although she didn’t really know how she could be friends with someone that she just wanted to throw herself at. Someone that she fantasized about running her fingers through his hair. Someone that she pictured kissing her neck while she breathed in the scent of him. Shaking her head to clear her very  _ non _ platonic thoughts, she got up and went to the park to try and clear her mind.

  
  


ထ

  
  


James was going for a run. He was going for a run, and he was going to enjoy it, then he would find somewhere else to write. Somewhere away from this brick box he was living in. 

There was nothing  _ wrong _ with the place, as far as brick boxes went, it was a very nice one. Remus had good taste, but just over week of solidly working and only sleeping when the words started to swim in front of his eyes, he knew he needed to get out.

Before he selected a playlist, his fingers twitched over the call button.  Should he invite her for a run? Find a way to build  _ something  _ between them, whatever it was they now were, friends? Could he stay just friends with her? He had apologised even though it hadn’t been his fault in the slightest, and it had taken more self control than he thought he possessed to turn her down and walk away. But she had been trying to manipulate him, something that set off alarm bells, because he would not be the pawn of another woman, never ever again. 

He had been angry and infuriated with her, but then he had spoken to Remus. Told him everything that had happened after they said goodbye at the bus. 

 

“She’s going to hate me now,” James said, he could hear laughter over the phone. 

“I highly doubt she’ll hate you,” he replied, clearly amused, “no doubt frustrated at the time, but it’s clear she likes you.”

“Was I stupid to walk away?”

“Some men would say you were, but those men are not deserving of Lily. And it is those type of men that Lily is used to.”

“What does that mean?”

James heard Remus sigh and could picture him clearly shaking his head.

“All of Lily’s past men have let her down. She has never had a healthy relationship, to the point she stopped expecting anything from them, apart from the occasional brief hook up. The fact you turned her down, because you want more than that probably means more to her than you know.”

“She didn't look very appreciative at the time, trust me.” He snorted, “I don't know what to do. What should I do Moons?” He had not meant to sound so pathetic, but Remus could obviously hear the desperation in his voice.

“I wish I could tell you the answer, but I'm not exactly an expert in this area. Reach out to her, send her an apology.” 

James spluttered at the thought. “But she’s the crazy…” 

“ _ Don’t _ call her crazy. Take the higher ground and say sorry. It will make it much more difficult for her to ignore you. Provided you don’t want her to ignore you.” James yelled in frustration momentarily placing the phone against his head. When he spoke again his voice was calmer.

“Why am I bothering about this? I should just leave well enough alone. I have had enough of fucked up relationships, concentrate on my work.”

“And who was it that gave you inspiration to write?” Remus voice was gentle, like he was reminding James of something important, and yet there was also the hint of smug satisfaction. “For some bizarre reason, only Sirius knows, he told Lily to leave you alone. I am rather annoyed at him about that.”

“You can tell him no matter what happens he’s not going to lose me across the ocean again, and he has no right to decide the fate of his friends.”

_ “He knows.” _ Remus put such emphasis on those words James knew they’d had a discussion about it, there was a pause while both men thought their own thoughts until Remus continued. “Apart from this are you doing okay? Do you need me to send you anything.”

“I’m fine, Moons, _ honestly _ . It’s nice to be my own person. I'm gonna go, send my love to Pads, speak soon.”

“Look after yourself, and send that text to Lily, she might not reply straight away but give her time. Whenever you need to chat just call, love you man.”

“Love you too buddy.”

He had sent a text to her two days later, not knowing what to expect back, deciding that whatever she offered he would be okay with. Waiting for a reply had been hell, but she had. Replied that is. And they were now ‘friends’, and he had absolutely no idea what that meant. 

So he was going for a run.  _ Without _ her, he decided. Then he was going to email his publisher, and he was going to get on with his fucking life and stop thinking about Lily Evans.

  
  


ထ

 

Lily beamed at her team of dancers, eternally grateful to each and every one of them for doing this for free. She knew they were also there in the hope they would get a proper gig from it, but she hadn’t guaranteed anything. She couldn’t think any further past this showcase so promising to give anyone a job past that was impossible for her.

The weeks of hard training had been worth it, they were finally ready, and just as well as the panel was the very next day. She reminded them all to check their phones for the location of the performance, and they all hugged her warmly as they left, filling her with praise for the choreography. She took their compliments with smiles, and nods but the internal struggle with self doubt was loud in her head that day.

The normally soothing shower at the studio didn’t help, that and the the fact she couldn’t get hold of any of her friends. Angel’s tour was on a lockdown because of some leaked lyrics to a new song, and not being able to talk to them was making her feel lonelier than ever. She looked at her reflexion in the changing room mirror, before she quickly dried her hair with the hand dryer, she looked washed out. She needed to talk to another human about her worries.

She looked at her phone, her constant companion and holder of all her friends and councillors. 

Should she call him?

They had been exchanging slightly flirty, slightly teasing, texts for a while, along with bantering and talking about their day. He had sent her a picture of him all sweaty after a run, with the caption  _ something to get all hot about.  _

It had gotten her hot, very hot indeed.

She had sent a pick back of her midriff after a rehearsal.  _ Anything you can do I can do better! _

It was all fun and light, they never spoke about anything troubling them, never suggested meeting. They flirted from afar, each from inside their own comfort zone. 

She found his number high in her frequent call list, and feeling as though she were stepping into new territory, she sent a text.

 

**LILY**

Hey.

Do you have a min?

 

She didn’t expect a reply straight away, so she slid the phone into the back pocket of her jeans shouldered her bag, and left the studio. It wasn’t until she was halfway towards the park she felt it buzz.

 

**JAMES**

Hey, Everything OK?

 

**LILY**

I have a big dance thing tomorrow and I am freaking out about it.

Remus and Sirius are in some kind of lockdown and I can’t get through to them.

 

She took a deep breath and looked at the words on her phone before adding the next line of text.

 

Can we meet? To talk?

 

Lily stared at the three dots for ages, they disappeared but no text arrived, she closed her phone and thought perhaps it was too difficult to be friends, still strange and uncomfortable. Finally it buzzed.

 

**JAMES**

I’m really sorry Lily, I would love to but I can’t right now.

This is NOT a no I just have a meeting.

As soon as I’m done I can meet you?

 

**LILY**

It’s okay, I’m fine. 

Don’t even worry about it.

 

She put her phone away, annoyed at herself for being slightly upset. Of course he was busy, it was a perfectly normal thing to be. He wasn’t turning her down, he just had other plans. Feeling low she changed direction to the cozy little coffee shop she knew was on this street. They made the best hot chocolate, and she was going to drink a bucket of it with a massive slab of chocolate cake.

She just so happened to glance in the window before she walked in,  _ of all the fucking places _ . James was there, looking  _ gorgeous _ in a dark red button down, and happily smiling and laughing with a leggy blonde with a severe bob, who was wearing a beautiful flowery dress. 

Lily froze, her jaw dropped. He was meeting a girl in  _ her _ secret cafe. Not even Sirius knew about this place. She spun away from the window as he looked up, terrified he would spot her,  _ fuck! _

She pressed her back against the wall hugging her bag, her heart pounding, ignoring the sideways glances she got from a few passers by. Was the whole fucking world against her? With a deep breath she pushed off from the wall heading for the bodega instead, and the biggest tub of ice cream they had.

 

ထ

 

James looked up as he saw a flash of what he thought was red hair at the window, and frowned when he didn't see any person with it. Shaking his head he went back to his conversation.

“I think December twelve gives you plenty of time don’t you think?” He smiled and nodded in reply to his companion, as she made a note in her diary. He loved when people still liked to use pen and paper.

Paper was real, it reminded him of books. Books should be held, cared for, spines cracked and words inhaled, pages turned slowly with every line cherished, they should fill rooms in homes, and change people's lives.

“Yes, that sounds great he replied,” he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and used the excuse of writing that date in it to check it.

 

**LILY**

Don’t worry about meeting up, 

I made a date with Ben and Jerry.

 

He frowned at his phone, then looked back to his publisher who smiled back at him gently.

“I’m so pleased you have come through the darkness. This new direction your work has taken is exciting.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to give me the time I needed.” He replied. She stretched out a hand to where his was resting on the table and patted it gently. 

“I’m here for you, if you need me.” She withdrew her hand with a little smile. “It’s my job after all.” She stood up to leave and offered her hand to him, he stood up to shake it, remembering another surprisingly firm handshake.

“It was a pleasure, Mr Potter. It’s always a privilege when I can finally put a voice and a face to the words on the page.” He returned her kind smile and fiddled with his hair as he sat back down, staring at his phone.

_ Shit, what do I do? _ He wanted to call Lily, he liked to hear a person's voice. He made better decisions when he could hear the tone used when speaking. Their recent back and forth had been a different experience for him, he had felt completely out of his depth. The pictures she had sent him, the flashes of flesh that hinted at things were driving him a little wild with desire. He had told her she would not win, but this was a game she seemed to know the rules far better than he did.

          This new direction of the text game was changing the rules again. He knew Lily was unhappy, knew he was probably not the person she wanted to talk this over with, and not even  _ he _ had time for her. He sat staring at his phone for a long time and not getting any closer to an making a decision. Eventually he typed out a text and hoped she would call him.

 

**JAMES** **  
** If you ever want to talk, 

about anything, I’m here.

 

ထ

 

Lily stood enveloped by the familiar darkness of the theatre stage. All she could hear was the deep breaths and fidgets of the dancers around her. She wriggled her toes and felt the coolness of the floor through her soft soled shoes. This was going to be perfect, this was going to be the beginning of something new for her. She closed her eyes and shook out her arms wriggling her fingertips and pushed herself up on her toes before planting them firmly again.

“When you and your team are ready Miss Evans.” An unfamiliar voice called from the stalls. She nodded, even though she knew they could not see her, and listened for the music. To her group she said quietly as the lights came up,

“We’ve got this guys. Just stick your marks and follow through every line. Ready? one…two…three...”

  
  


ထ

 

Monday night football was one of the biggest things James had missed while living in South Africa. True enough it had been available through cable, or on a couple of streaming websites, but time difference had made it more like Tuesday morning football and it was not the same.

He was missing his friends, missing being able to talk to them. Remus was a great sounding board, and had shown a surprising amount of knowledge of romantic fiction. Looking at the pictures plastered all over the fridge made him miss them even more.

He was lounged on Remus’ comfortable enormous couch, a couple of empty beer bottles at his feet, completely relaxed. His phone started to ring, he was curious about who could be calling him at this hour, hoping that perhaps the lockdown had ended, he looked around for his phone but could not see it.  _ Shit where is it? _ Standing up he listened to try to locate it and realised he must have left it on the bed. 

He scrambled up the stairs but it had rung off by the time he found it.

Lily had called. She had  _ actually _ called. He slumped onto the edge of the bed staring at her name, wondering to call her back when it pinged for a voicemail. A very loud Lily was on the other end.

“Well, of course you don't answer your phone, I mean why should you?” Lily’s voice slurred. “Your probably having an amazing time with that hot piece of ass I saw you with.” He heard a slight sob in her voice. “While I’m at home in my PJ’s drinking wine out the bottle.” There was a pause as he heard the fridge door open. “Why do I always have to fuck everything up? You are so goddamn hot and I am such a coward. I’ve tried so hard to be a good friend to Sirius. He’s concerned I would break your heart again, so I thought,  _ easy - _ I’ll just stay away. But then I have dreams about your fucking shoulders, and the way your shirt clings to your arms, and the way your smile curls at the edges of your lips.” He heard the quiver as she took a shaky breath. “I’m so fucking lonely. Do you ever feel that way? Even when you are surrounded by so many people? I don’t even know why I’m calling you, it’s not like you owe me anything. I miss cuddles,” she said wistfully then seemed to realise what she was saying. “This is ridiculous , what am I doing?” 

There was a thump like she had put the phone down without ending the call, her sobs could be heard clearly. James listened to her cry, his heart breaking for her, until the message ran out.

  
  


ထ

  
  


Lily woke to a pounding that she thought at first was inside her skull but realised it wasn’t. Then she thought it was the TV she had on too loud again, but there was Ryan Gosling playing piano and she looked at him in confusion. Another knock rang out through the apartment.

“All right! I’m coming.” She yelled back, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders as she shuffled to the door and opened it.

 

Why  _ the fuck _ was James Potter standing in her doorway? 

His cheeks were flushed and he was breathing hard, some of his hair looked a little damp, like he had been running. His forearm was leaning against the doorframe above his head. He was wearing comfortable charcoal sweats and a green hoodie, he looked as gorgeous as always.

There was an intensity to his look as she opened the door that heralcohol fuzzed brain couldn't process, because pissed up and lonely Lily had convinced herself that James Potter had moved on, that she had screwed up any chance she ever had.

He must only be here as a friend checking up on her. How nice of him to ditch his girlfriend to do that. She drew herself up to her full height and best posture.

“Hello James, come on in,” she said, stepping aside and gestured grandly for him to enter. He continued to stand there in stunned silence, trying to catch his breath. He looked her up and down, as if he was waiting for her to do something dramatic. “For crying out loud James, come in! I'm watching a movie, come and sit with me.” She left him still standing in the door and wandered back into the living space. With a deep sigh James stepped in and closed the door behind him. Lily sat down on the sofa as if she was ascending a throne and patted the space beside her. James sat down slowly and cautiously as if he was still expecting her to suddenly turn into some kind of hideous monster.

Lily was feeling very happy to have James here. She reached out to grab the wine bottle again but James swiped it before she could.

“I’ll get you a different drink,” he mumbled getting up again, returning with a tall glass of juice from the fridge. “It will stop the hangover if you drink now, vitamin C is important.” With a shrug she took the glass and drank it thirstily, as he joined her once more on the threadbare couch. 

Placing her now empty glass on the coffee table, she decided to make herself comfortable, and James looked like a perfect cushion, she leaned into his side throwing his heavy arm over her shoulders before laying the blanket over them both. He did not protest, just let his hand rest on her hip where she had placed it, his thumb grazing the strip of bare flesh above the elastic of her pyjama shorts. He coughed slightly before speaking.

“Why were you drinking again? I thought you had a big audition?” It was a valid point, she supposed. Why  _ was _ she drinking again?

“Yeah well I did that, and now I have to wait to hear what they say so I decided to drink, because I can now” she felt James shift slightly beside her, adjusting his position. His hand gripped her hip slightly as he shifted his weight. She ignored the swoop in her stomach at his touch. “We always drink and watch soppy movies when we are waiting for news, it's the rules. Now shush so i can watch the film” The film she had not paid much attention to all night, but James’ thumb was sliding across her flesh and giving her goosebumps.

“What film is it?”

“This is La La land.” She replied.

“I can definitely relate,” he replied half to himself

“I’m surprised you came over.” She was feeling very warm against his body, her eyes blinked at the TV not taking any of it in.

“Of course I came over, you sounded upset.” He took a breath. “You said you saw me with someone?”

“It stands to reason a guy like you wouldn’t stay single for long,” She surmised with a snorting sound at the end she definitely did not mean to make. “She looked pretty, well the part of her I saw looked pretty, blonde, nice dress” She was feeling very comfortable wrapped in the blanket with him. “You were sitting in my coffee shop.” Lily’s eyes grew heavy and she laced her fingers through James’ still sitting on her hip. “Thanks for coming over,” she murmured sleepily as she drifted off, she vaguely felt him lift her hand to his lips and press a kiss there.

“The woman you saw me with was my publisher. I haven’t moved on from anything. I know this is all new territory for you, it is for me too, but I have been doing a lot of thinking. Sometimes it feels like all I ever do is think about my life. Clarissa was a horrible human being, I was too blind to see that, it makes it difficult for me to dive in again so quickly. But being with you makes the emptiness in my heart fill, and that scares the hell outta me too. I want to be the person you think of, the one you call. You told me you have dreams about me well I have dreams about you too. And one day I want to make all those dreams come true, for you.” Lily’s breathing had changed halfway through his speech, he knew she was on the edge of sleep, wondered if she had heard any of it at all. Trusting that she would not remember, and trying not to disturb her he reached for the remote and changed to football.

  
  


ထ

 

Lily woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed considering where she had slept. She was still resting on James’ chest, her legs between his, her hip very close to his groin. She flushed slightly at this over familiar position, as she tried to move slowly, she felt one of his arms slide off her back to the floor, the other stroked her hair down her back. She didn’t really know what to do with this new situation so carefully she lifted herself up and off his body, and gave a relieved sigh when he didn’t stir.

          She picked up the blanket that had fallen on the floor and laid it over him with care. His glasses were on the floor so she folded them and placed them on the table where she saw one of her notebooks lying open and an unfamiliar hand written all over it.

  
  


Your skin is soft and glows like stars

Your hair is the colour of sunsets

Your eyes shine so bright so full of life

The colour of summer forests 

I listen to your breath and it brings me peace

Your heart could hold mine in its arms. 

  
  
  


Lily’s heart gave a little extra skip when she turned to look at him, she reached out to brush a strand of hair from his face, but her back gave an uncomfortable niggle due to her less than ideal sleeping position, so she went to her room, changed into her yoga gear, grabbed her phone and earphones and climbed up to the roof. 

The air was calm and cool this morning, summer was becoming a faint glow on the horizon. She flicked through her songs, she wanted to dance this morning but not any pre planned routine or some up beat pop song, something soothing that could help her stretch out a bit and clear her head. She hit shuffle on her playlist and put in her wireless earphones. As the sounds of the city disappeared she was enveloped by the familiar comfort of  music. If dancing was her first love, music was not far behind.

Only a human by George Ezra started to play and she started to dance.

Losing herself in the music, she tried to forget about the man sleeping on her couch, the man who had come when she called him. The man who had been meeting his publisher. He had done nothing more than hold her comfort her, be kind and understanding. A man who wrote poetry, a man who wanted more than she had ever given, deserved more than she could give. She started to spin, using the limited space to turn around the edge of the rooftop, there was water in her eyes she didn’t notice didn’t care. She kept going until she crashed right into James’ chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and find me on Tumblr frustratedpoet1979


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the wonderful and encouraging friends I have, who sometimes know better than me, this story is now a bit longer than the four chapters I had originally thought it would be. This is a good thing people.
> 
> I am doing my best to try and get the other two chapters finished and with you as soon as possible.
> 
> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER FOUR

 

She turned away, pulling out her headphones and not wanting him to see her tear-streaked face.

“I’ve had dreams about girls falling into my arms,” he quipped. Then, more seriously, he said, “I’ve never seen you dance before. You are amazing.”

“I’m hardly that,” she replied, wiping at her face with a sleeve. “The younger girls are better.” 

James turned her shoulders so he could look at her face, but she refused to look up at him. “You were -  _ are  _ amazing, alright?” She nodded but didn’t feel it. She kept her head looking down at his feet when he asked, “Hey, you okay?” 

She bit back the sharp reply she wanted to say. “I’m fine,” she spoke through gritted teeth. She felt his hand on her chin sliding her face up so that he could look her in the eye.

“We have slept together now. You need to give me more than that. We both know you are not fine.”

“Don’t be cute. It doesn’t suit you,” she replied sharply, pushing his hand away. “I’m scared, okay? I don’t know what  _ this...”  _ she gestured between them, “is. I saw you with someone else, so what did you think would happen when you came over last night?” 

He sighed deeply, sliding his hands into his pockets. “You saw me with my publisher. Her name is Toni. I have known her for the past four years, although that was the first time I’ve met her in person. She is married, has a teenage son, and is more like an older sister than a publisher sometimes,” he explained. “Do you need more evidence? Do you want me to call her so you can confirm?” 

Lily shook her head, embarrassed. 

“Lily, if I am being completely honest with myself, the last thing I should be doing right now is starting a new relationship. You’ve had me tied up in knots since the first time I met you. I thought that I could ignore this too, but I can’t. I don’t want to deny that I have feelings for you, but I can’t go down another rabbit hole without knowing you feel the same way. I know my heart, and it wants to be with you, but not as some midnight hookup guy. That’s the reason why I said no before.” Cautiously, he reached out to her and placed a hand on her hip as if to steady her. “I came over last night because I didn’t want you to spend another night alone and sad. I can’t bear to see or hear you being so down.” His other hand stroked her cheek, and she leaned into it without thinking. 

“Why are you so nice to me?” she asked. “How can you be so confident what we could be like something out of your romance novels?”

“You’ve read my books?” He sounded genuinely pleased. She shrugged.

“I may have read a few from Remus’ collection while on tour. I didn’t know any of them were yours at the time. I saw the notebook you left on the table too.” She let herself look at him. “What you wrote was beautiful.” 

His hair was even more mussed up than normal, and his eyes were puffy from lack of sleep. He looked absolutely perfect. She reached up and brushed a stray lock from his eye, her fingers lingered across his temple. “All the things you write about - romance, courtship, friends to lovers... I’ve never done any of that, not really. I gave up on relationships when I was still in college. They’ve never worked because I am a fucking disaster.” 

He took the hand that was close to his face and clasped it firmly in his own. “I refuse to believe that any part of what happened before was your fault.” He looked down at her fingers, rubbing a thumb across her knuckles. “Lily, we are all fucking disasters. The truth is, I’m probably just as scared as you are. I just know I want to be around you and get to know you. You fascinate me.” He took a deep breath obviously trying to settle his thoughts before speaking more. “I thought I could deny this and work through my own mess of a life, but I can’t stop thinking about you.” He ruffled his hair and looked out over the tops of the buildings around them, letting her hand fall. 

“What if all the crap we’ve been through and all the failed relationships were preparing us for this? What if we have always been travelling towards this moment - standing here, together? Because no matter what anyone else says or thinks, I want to take this chance. What happens if we don't try?” He put his hands back on her shoulders. She looked back up at him, saying nothing, not quite sure exactly what he wanted to hear from her. “I want to take a chance on us because you are fucking amazing, Lily Evans, and all I want is to tell you that every single day. I  _ should _ be the cautious one. I’ve been burnt by what I thought was love before. Perhaps together, we can build each other up?” 

Lily stared into the eyes of this beautiful man and wondered what she had to lose. 

“I like you too. I _ really _ do, but I think we need to take it slow,” she started cautiously. “You’re just out of something serious, and I don’t really know how to be a girlfriend. Perhaps we should do the date thing?” 

“The date thing?” He raised an amused eyebrow.

“Sure. What would you do on a first date?”

“Erm, I haven’t  _ dated _ anyone since college,” he said hesitantly.

She tried to help out. “The actual date is not so important, but would you expect a kiss? Something more?”

He smiled and pulled her in close to him. She allowed him to wrap her in his arms but only because she was cold. 

When he spoke he sounded nostalgic. “College me would try for a kiss and hope for more. I think we know each other a little better than a first date normally would.” His eyes were looking down at her, staring with such intensity. She couldn’t stop herself when she reached up to cradle the back of his neck, sliding her fingers up into his hair. He looked a lot more likely to accept a kiss now. His eyes were dark and intense as he looked at her like she was an all you can eat buffet.

“What would you say would be an acceptable number of dates before home run?” She hoped he would understand her point and would only say one or two. After being this close to him and a night of sleeping with her body pressed against his, she was just about ready to jump him right there. But she did want them to be more than just a fling. She wanted the romance, and James Potter didn't jump into anything anymore, although perhaps his eyes were telling her a different story.

“Five,” he stated simply. 

“Five?” she repeated. 

He nodded slowly. His hands were on the waistband at the back of her trousers, but they slipped down and cupped the checks of her bottom and gave it a cheeky squeeze. His smile was mischievous, as if he thought there was no way she could wait out five dates before locking him in her bedroom for a considerable amount of time. 

“Okay then, Potter. Five dates it is.” She removed his hands from her body and walked back to the fire escape.

“Doesn’t this count as a date?” he asked after her. 

She paused with her foot on the ladder. “What? You turning up at my door in the middle of the night, then falling asleep on the couch? Oh no, that’s not a good enough first date. That was more of an instigator, I suppose.” She started her descent, still speaking to him from his position at the edge of the roof. “If you want to do this properly, then let's do this properly. You said five dates, so five it is. I’m all for starting right now.”

“Lily, it’s Tuesday morning.” 

“It's also New York. Either go home and get yourself dressed up, or you can borrow some of Sirius’s clothes.” 

James moved slowly over to the fire escape, his feet staying away from the edge. “Eh, if it's all the same to you, I’ll just take the stairs and go home to change. I’ll text you what to dress for.” 

She was now standing on the metal platform outside her window. She put her hands on her hips as she looked up at him, looking anxiously down at her. “Who says you get to pick what we do for the first date? I’ll text  _ you _ the address, so you can meet me there.” 

He looked unconvinced, but Lily wasn’t sure if that was just his fear of the fire escape. 

Eventually, he nodded. “Okay, you get first pick, but I get to chose the two after that.”

“James, you can pick  _ every _ date after that. Just let me get inside and get ready.” 

  
  


ထ

 

Date One:

She couldn’t really contain her excitement as she led James by the hand. He was keeping his eyes closed like he had promised, which was an exercise in trust that impressed her. Keeping the final destination a surprise when she had sent him a Broadway address was probably a little too much to hope for, but he had played along well enough. His hand was so much bigger than hers. She tried to ignore the memory of how they had felt when they held her, and thoughts of how they would feel against bare skin. 

Five dates before that could happen. She was determined to see that through. How quickly could they get through five dates?

He was wearing a suit but in a very casual way. The white shirt had no tie and the top two buttons were undone. He looked like he’d just come from a premiere or some high society party. He looked hot as hell. 

“Wait here,” she instructed before taking a few steps from him, since she wanted to see his reaction. “Open your eyes,” she instructed, bouncing on her toes. She knew his enthusiasm probably wouldn’t match her own, but she was delighted to see the smile and look of awe on his face as he took in their surroundings. 

“Of course, you brought me to a stage,” he said wryly, turning on the spot. The ambient lights were on, making it easy to see the ornate work of the boxes, the red curtains, and carpets. She breathed in the particular, indescribable smell and feel of being on a stage. She loved it here and wanted to share that with him. The stage itself was empty of any scenery, as the theatre was just about to start work on a new production.

“Not just any stage,” she began, taking his hands and beaming up at him, unable to contain her excitement. “My stage, my theatre.”

He looked at her confused, unable to comprehend.

“I got an email this morning. They want me to start next week. I’m a choreographer. People will dance what I want them to, right here!” She bounced on her toes. 

“Lily, that’s awesome!” James caught her enthusiasm and gave her a hug of congratulations, spinning her around. They were both laughing and smiling. Lily automatically put her hand on his face as he spun her, looking him in the eyes. They stopped spinning as they continued to stare into each other’s eyes, her feet off the ground and eyes level with his. She was feeling a little dizzy from the spin, but she didn’t care. 

It didn’t take much to just lean forward and press her lips to his. Her body was tight to his, held firmly by his arms. His lips parted easily for her wandering tongue as she explored his mouth, his hot breath mingling with hers, as he returned her kisses with as much passion as her. He relaxed his grip, letting her body slide slowly down until her feet touched the floor. She was in a summer dress, so she could feel the heat radiating off him through the thin fabric. She wanted to explore him more, but was also aware of their little agreement, so she pulled away from his mouth. He moved his attention to her neck, and she moaned softly, hands sliding up into his hair. 

Reluctantly, she stepped away further.

“Not a bad first kiss,” she told him with a smirk as she took in the state of him. His eyes were devouring her again, all dark and demanding. His swollen lips looked so inviting. His hair was a disheveled masterpiece. But, she refused to give in, even if on a theatre stage  _ was _ on her list of places. She was enjoying this slow torture far more than she thought she would. “Come on. I'll show you the rest of this place. There are workshop rooms right here, and offices and costume rooms.” She was getting carried away with the place again. She looked back at him, still standing in the same spot with his hands in his pockets.

“You look so comfortable here. You are meant to be on stage, Miss Evans,” he told her, but she shook her head.

“Not anymore. I am meant to put other, better dancers on stage and tell them what to do.”

“I have a feeling you are going to be great at that.” He sounded so genuine she had to beam back at him. He had such faith in her already. 

They did not spend much more time exploring the theatre. It had been a favour to be allowed in anyway, and she didn’t want to push her luck until she was allowed proper access once she started her job. James was as curious to see the place as she was to show it and asked her questions as they moved their way back through. They exited the stage door, and she made sure it closed firmly behind them once more.

“So how was that, Mr. Potter, as first dates go?”

“It was pretty great, but also pretty quick, if you're sure it’s over.”

“I had no real plans beyond showing you this place. Where are we going on our second?”

“You want to go on the next one, right now?” he asked, walking in the direction of the road. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’d quite like to get to our fifth date, sooner than later.” 

“Okay then. Let’s go.”

 

Date two:

She looked at him skeptically as he hailed a cab straight outside the theatre. 

“You know where we are going already?”  

“I have a few ideas up my sleeve,” he replied with a wink. “You’ve shared a special place for you. I want to do the same.” He leaned in and told the driver where to go before opening the door to her. “After you, my lady.” He gestured grandly.

She slid herself along the pleather seat and wondered where they were going. James took her hand and kissed it softly the moment they were settled together, and the taxi started its journey. 

Lily was happy to lean against James and look out the window, not feeling the need to talk right now. His arm was around her waist, while the other hand was scrolling through his phone. She was beginning to wonder what he was doing when her own phone started to ring from the depths of her handbag. When she saw who was trying to Facetime, she smiled. 

“Sirius, I’ve missed you!” she yelled at her friend as his face appeared on the screen. James pressed his cheek to hers so they could both be seen. 

“Sirius, long time. Is Remus with you?” James added. Lily watched her best friend’s face break out into a slow smile. 

“He’s here too. Remus, come see these two. It’s enough to make you sick,” he called. She could just about hear Remus yelling in the background. “You two have been having fun without us, I see,” he started. Lily went to shake her head, but it would have meant bashing James’ nose. 

“We’re just going on a date,” she answered, waiting to see Sirius’ response. Before he could say anything, Remus was sliding into the shot with him, his hair damp and with a towel around his shoulders. 

“That’s fantastic!” Remus cheered. “See? I told you they could get along,” he added with a dig in the ribs to Sirius. “So when did this happen?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes at his boyfriend but when he turned his face back to them, he was still smiling. It was not a full blown happy smile but a thoughtful one, as if he was surprised by how pleased he was. Lily really wanted him to be okay. His friendship meant the world to her. He was her constant, her north star. When she looked at him, she thought he was looking right back at her. He dipped his head a tiny fraction of a nod and winked. She beamed back at him.

“It hasn’t. Not properly, anyway. We’re going on a few dates first,” James was saying to Remus before he planted a kiss on her cheek. 

“It’s going pretty well so far,” she added with a blush, shoving James’ face away. He turned his face to look at the phone. She spotted the wink he gave his friends in the preview window. “I’ve so much to tell you. I’ve missed our chats.”

“Tell us everything. I’m dying to hear your news,” Sirius responded happily. “It’s been hell on Earth here without being able to talk with you.” Remus huffed slightly at that. “Not you, darling, you know that,” Sirius added with a kiss to apologise. “How did your gig go? How’s the book going? How’s the big city coping without me?”

She told them about her audition and about the job offer. Sirius almost dropped the phone when he got so excited. James had news too and told them about his new book deal. Lily sat stunned as she listened to him. Sirius and Remus looked happily back at them and told them they would be starting the tour proper next week but hopefully would get a few days home first. 

The whole time, they chatted on the phone with hips pressed together. James’ hand rested lightly on her thigh with his other wrapped around her waist, as if they did this all the time. She never felt uncomfortable in his closeness. As soon as they said their goodbyes to their friends, Lily turned to him again, lips pressing a soft kiss to his. It might have gone further, but they had arrived at the New York Public Library. 

“Of course,  _ this _ is your place,” she said once he had paid the cab fare and stood beside her. She tried to look as enthused as he so obviously was, as enthusiastic as he had been for her theatre. 

“Have you ever been inside?” he asked as he offered his hand to lead her up the stairs. 

“On a school trip, once or twice, but I’m sure you know the best places. We can get lost in for a while.”

To be honest, once inside they didn’t do too much exploring or reading. They were never going to read. Any time they found a quiet corner or a convenient, dimly lit alcove, they would linger, hands roving freely over clothes, lips exploring cheeks, chins, necks, and mouths. The pressure to be quiet added another level of excitement for her. Her giggles were loud in the echoing rooms.

“Oh, when I finally get you in my bed,” she murmured, nibbling on his ear.

“When I finally get in your bed, I’m going to find out just how flexible you are,” he added. “If I survive that long, ‘cause you’re killing me, Evans.”

They left the library, a little hotter and more flushed than they had been on arrival, but grinning like lunatics whenever they looked at each other. 

“I’m hungry.” 

“Will dinner count as a third date?” he asked her with a cheeky smile.

“It would depend on the food, I suppose. Until then, we’re still on our second date. Besides, I don’t want a fancy dinner. I just want hot dogs.”

“You’re not serious, are you? Those things have got little to no nutritional value, and you will be hungry again in half an hour.”

“Okay then,  _ Dad _ . What do you suggest?”

“Let me cook for you? We can grab a few groceries and just hang out.”

“That does sound like an excellent third date.” She slid her hands under his suit jacket. “But don’t think just because your going to cook for me that I’m going to stay over.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll kick you out before midnight, I promise,” he joked, stepping to the road to hail a cab. 

“Subway’s right there, James.” She pointed. “You don’t have to take expensive cab rides everywhere.”

“But, in a cab, I get you all to myself,” he explained, sliding his hands around her waist and nuzzling into her neck. She sighed and tried not to smile at his cuteness. 

Before, when any man had been so openly affectionate with her in public, it set off alarm bells. However, this was not true for James, it seemed. In fact, she quite liked the way his head felt tucked up close to her neck. 

“Well, I’m a city girl, and it’s way too extravagant for me to have more than one cab ride in a day. We can cuddle up on the train just as easily.” She skipped a few quick steps away from him towards the subway stairs and spun to see if he was following, making her dress and hair flare out. 

He had not moved from the spot. James just stood there with a goofy half grin. 

“What?” she asked, self consciously tucking a strand of her hair behind an ear. 

“Nothing,” he replied. “Just wanting to remember this moment, this day.” She rolled her eyes at him but, inwardly, she was feeling the same way. She offered her hand to him and they went to board the train together. 

 

Date three:

“So what am I supposed to do with it?” she asked in confusion, huffing slightly as he laughed at her.

“You’re telling me you’ve never done this before?”

“Well, no, actually, I haven’t,” she replied, her tone getting defensive.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. There is a first time for everything.” His voice was gentle and patient. He came to stand behind her, placing his chin on her shoulder as he guided her hands. With a precision she would never be able to muster without his guidance, he showed her how to rock the knife to make perfect slices of the bell peppers and mushrooms. “See? It’s simple. Just go nice and easy with the knife,” he instructed before going back to the hob. She continued at a much slower pace, trying to match his perfectly sliced slithers and holding her tongue in her teeth as she concentrated. “It’s so surprising to me that you’ve never cooked,” he continued.

“I cook.” 

He snorted in response to her words. “Frying meat and adding a jar of sauce is not cooking.” James countered, in a mildly irritated tone. She was realising he was a bit of a snob about food. Just as well he looked adorable in the navy blue apron, as he chopped onions with an expert hand. He had changed out of his suit as soon as they got to Remus’ apartment, and was now wearing a white tank and taupe cargo pants. It was a relaxed look and dangerously pale colours to be wearing when cooking. All Lily had done to relax her look was take off her denim jacket and boots. 

He turned to take her neat-ish chopped mushrooms and peppers and added them to his pan, giving it a few deft swipes with his spatula. 

“We can’t all be Gordon  _ fucking _ Ramsay, you know. My way of cooking has done me alright so far,” she countered to his statement. He looked down at the pan he was still stirring, but she saw the side of his face crinkle as he frowned.

“You should look after yourself. Food is important. It’s your body’s fuel. You wouldn’t put sludge in a car, would you?”

“Well sure, if i ever feel the need to own a car, I’ll bear that in mind, okay?” She then added impatiently. “I get it. Don’t get all preachy on me. At least, you’re not vegetarian, I don’t think I could live my life without bacon.” 

He chuckled at that and shrugged. “I thought about it. My personal trainer thought it would be good for me, but I like bacon too much too.” He looked around as if he was looking for something. 

“What’s next, Chef?”

“I need to cook the pasta. You  _ can _ cook pasta, can’t you?” He said in a rather patronising tone. Lily gave him a

“I’m not completely useless, you know.” 

His smile was warm when he looked at her. “I know.”

When they finally settled at the table to eat two massive bowls of spaghetti with the most delicious sauce she had ever tasted, Lily realised how happy she felt. How easy it was to spend time with James. They fitted together like they were the missing parts to a puzzle. They had spent the entire day together and not once had she felt the need to find her own space. He made her relax. No one had ever made her feel like that, not even Sirius. 

“Stay.” He spoke the single word as she put her jacket on to go. 

It was getting late. They had watched trashy television and talked about nothing important. She wanted to kiss him, kiss him until there was no breath left in her lungs, kiss him until she was begging him to carry her up those stairs once more, but she hadn’t. She would go back to her own bed, imprint this day on her memory, and find release with her own fingers. 

“Why won’t you stay?” he asked her when she shook her head. They had shared a bottle of wine, the majority of which he had consumed. His cheeks had a healthy looking bloom of colour.

“We haven’t had our fifth date yet. That was the deal, wasn’t it?” she replied, flicking her hair out from her coat. 

He moved impossibly close to her, overwhelming her senses with all of him. She couldn’t show it, couldn’t let him know how much she wanted to wake up in that bed again, this time with him in it too. Perhaps he saw her resolve crack slightly or perhaps the alcohol had emboldened him slightly.

“Lily, please, no more games, no more deals. Just stay with me. You win. I’m at your feet.” His hands went to her hips, pushing her back against the wall as his lips dragged kisses along her neck down the open v of her dress. She couldn’t stop the hungry moan that escaped her. Her fingers tangled through his hair and, without thinking about it, she hooked a leg around his calf. All the while his head was dropping lower, ever lower. 

When he kneeled at her feet and lifted her leg to hook it on his shoulder, she knew she had to stop him or she would never be able to stop herself.

“Stop. Please stop.” 

He did immediately, but his gaze was a little unfocused as he looked up at her, glasses crooked, still holding her leg. His eyes were so dark, he was breathing hard, and he had her wondering why she was saying no. He kissed her thigh before placing her leg gently back down to the ground. 

“We need to do this properly, _ I _ really need to do this properly. I want to have special dates with you, proper memories of romance. It’s not that I don’t want to do everything with you. Believe me, I do, but I know once you sleep with a person, it becomes all about that. I want there to be a little mystery. We are already going quite fast.” 

“Lily, we can still go on the dates. We have time…” 

She couldn’t look at him, she had to stay strong. “I’m not going to have the time. I have three days before I go into pre-production planning, and you are going to hardly see me after that. Two more dates, then we can spend the rest of time in bed together. Please, James, for once I’m going to do romance properly.”

“You want romance?” James asked, finally getting up and taking her hand, looking resigned. “Tomorrow, you are going to have the most romantic date ever. If this is what you need, then okay. I’m sorry for pushing you.” 

She leaned into him and kissed him while pressing her hands to his cheeks. “You didn’t push me anywhere I didn’t want to go.” He lifted his head up and kissed her forehead. “I just need to do it this way. I’m so sorry. Goodnight, James.” 

She slipped out the door without looking back, knowing she had left him standing in the same spot in as much need of a cold shower as she was.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and shout at me on tumblr @frustratedpoet1979


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N If you see this symbol ⬹ and you don't like to read explicit content then just skip until you see the symbol again. This is the last part of the main story the next chapter is a little epilogue.  

 

The journey home was torturous. Every time she had to stop at a crossing, every time there was a delay to her journey, she wanted to run right back to him. Her mind was calling her every kind of fool for leaving, as was her body. She was filled with the anticipation of what it could be like to be with him. Her body felt like a charge of electricity had run through it. She was so responsive to him; to his touch that she did not know how much longer she was going to be able to stop herself. If  _she_ was feeling this way, God only knew how James was feeling right now.

A part of her - a small, tiny, insignificant part - was proud for leaving, of sticking to her conviction for once in her life and not just jumping into bed with a guy before she properly knew him. The problem was, of course, that she _did_ feel like she knew him so well already. What she knew was how much he was going to ruin her. It was silly, but her superstitious self kept thinking things would only work out if she saw all the dates through properly. It was a stupid feeling and complete nonsense, but she just couldn't shake it.

She kept in contact with him during her journey home, fuelling a little more of her desire to turn around and go back to him. He needed to know she got home safely. She needed to know everything was okay with them. He sent her a snap of him telling her to get a good night's sleep, because she most certainly wouldn’t be getting much tomorrow night, if he had anything to do with it.

_Hang the cold shower_ , she thought, _I’m going to need a fucking ice bath._

She didn’t know how she did it, but despite all these feelings along with the built up frustration, she fell asleep the moment she collapsed onto her bed.   

It was odd to think of how different her day had been yesterday compared to her days before, how much her mood had been lifted by James. After spending the entire day with him and feeling so quickly like he was an essential part of her life, she was becoming more and more sure with every passing moment that being with James was what she wanted and what she needed to stabilise her crazy life.

 

ထ

 

Date four:

Despite the late hour she got home, despite how tired she should be, she was already up bright and early when her phone buzzed a text from James telling her to dress warmly, leave the heels at home, and be outside in half an hour.

It took her awhile to decide on what to wear. She didn’t think a worn-out hoodie three sizes too big would quite work for a date even though it was warm and comfortable, and it definitely wasn’t cold enough yet for her winter coat. Then, she remembered a chunky cream Aran knit cardigan Remus had bought her last Christmas, paired it up with a dark green spaghetti strap top, skinny jeans, and her ankle boots. The only footwear she owned that weren't heels, or her Converse. When she looked at her reflection, she hardly recognised herself. She looked like an ordinary girl about to go on an ordinary date; even her hair was behaving itself framing her face in soft waves. She grabbed her purse from the bed, threw her phone into it before taking the stairs two at a time, excited to have this day start and see James.

He was already waiting outside, wearing a long dark wool coat with a red scarf draped over his shoulders, and a backpack that looked really out of place with his fancy coat. His grin nearly split his face when he saw her.

“Alright, Evans?” He beamed

“Hey, Potter. You’re looking fine today,” she replied, taking his hand as he offered it and kissing his lips softly like they had been greeting each other this way for years.

“Not so bad yourself.” He added with a little wink. “Come on, we have to book it a bit to get the train out of town.”

“Out of town?” She stopped dead, dropping his hand. “Why are you taking me out of town?” She squinted suspiciously at him.

“It wouldn’t be much fun if I told you that, now would it?” he told her with a knowing look. “Come on an adventure with me and find out.” His grin was devious, like he knew a special secret and didn’t want her to know.

“Okay,” she replied to him eventually. “But only because I like you.”

 

It took most of the morning to get out to the field they now stood in, but goodness, was it worth it. She stood and watched in wonder as the giant multi-coloured balloon slowly filled and lifted itself off the ground, its bright colours contrasting vividly against the dull grey sky.

“When did you find the time to organise this?” she asked mildly impressed, “I was with you all day yesterday.” She glanced at him and spotted how smugly pleased with himself he was looking.

“I looked through a few options when I went home to get changed yesterday morning. Also,” he waggled his phone at her, “have you heard about all the amazing things you can do with your phone these days?”

“Okay, smartass.” She smirked at him. “If you’re so smart, what do you call the guy who’s inflating the thing?”

“Steve,” James replied without missing a beat, which started her giggling uncontrollably. It wasn’t long before he joined her in the merriment, his rich laughter sounding out across the field.

She was still giggling when Steve signalled them to come over and climb in.

“This is amazing,” she breathed as the ground began to sink away and the only noise was the burner behind them. She turned to share this feeling with James, and her excitement dropped when she saw him. He was not looking exactly as calm as he had been when they were on the ground. “James?”

“What was I thinking?” she heard him mutter to himself. One hand was holding the edge of the basket in a white knuckled grip, and his fixed smile was more like a grimace.

“James, it’s okay.” She placed one hand on top of his the other stroked his face. “Why on Earth did you think this would be a good idea when you’re afraid of heights?”

“I just thought it would be romantic and pretty cool, you know?” he said, his voice quaking slightly. “Didn’t really think about my slight discomfort about being off the ground. Didn’t realise how small the fucking basket was going to be, or the fact nothing but wicker is preventing us from plunging to our doom.”

“James, you can relax, it’s perfectly safe.” She glanced sideways at Steve who nodded his agreement. She let his hand keep its firm grip on the edge of the basket and rubbed his arm trying to give him comfort, the muscles of his arm were like solid knots he was gripping so hard.

He nodded and smiled shakily. “I’m okay, I just need to distract my mind. Wow, look at that!”

They had cleared up higher than the treeline, so they could now see the great grey mass of the city on the far horizon. She hugged his middle and pressed her head against his chest.

“Thank you,” she told him, genuinely pleased, despite the fact it felt like she was hugging a tree trunk.

He stroked her hair with the hand that wasn’t holding on to the basket in a death grip.

“You’re welcome.” He replied pressing a kiss to the top of her head. When they went high enough to be just above the clouds, it was like they had entered another world. James seemed to relax when they could no longer see the ground, and produced a small bottle of champagne and two glasses from his backpack.

“Wow, I’m impressed. This is quite romantic isn’t it?” She told him as they clinked plastic. It was a surreal moment as they enjoyed drinking champagne together while Steve looked in any other direction, impassive and silent.

“I’m certainly enjoying the view.” James told her softly looking straight at her with his intense look. His scrutiny made her blush and cuddle back into him again, hiding her face in his chest.

Lily was still enjoying leaning into James as the balloon slowly started to sink back to the ground. She tried her best not to laugh at him as he let out a very unmanly yelp when the basket connected once more with the ground, sliding along for a while before finally coming to a stop. He sat for a long time with his eyes closed at the bottom of the basket, his arms wrapped around his knees.

“Don’t say a fucking word Evans,” he breathed as she knelt down beside him, as if he thought she would make fun of him.

“About what?” she asked. “That my boyfriend wanted to do something so romantic for me he went up in a hot air balloon despite being afraid of heights?” She asked him gently “That he was brave enough to overcome his anxiety and actually enjoyed it a bit? Why on earth would I tell anyone that?” she rubbed his leg and he seemed to be bolstered by her words. “Come on.” she told him firmly. “I have someplace in mind I want to take you.”

  
  


Date five:

 

The train ride back was quite soothing for both of them. They shared sandwiches James had brought with him and polished off the last of the champagne. Lily leaned herself into his side as they sat together, her eyes drifting closed for a time while James idly played with a strand of her long red hair and checked a few emails on his phone.

When he looked down at her once more, he saw she had drifted off to sleep, her long eyelashes fluttering and a gentle curve to the side of her lip. She was so stunning it made his heart burst to look at her. Without thinking about it, he bent over and kissed her forehead. As he looked up, he saw an older women sitting opposite smile at the pair of them like it was the cutest thing she had ever seen in her entire life. James had to agree. The pair of them were pretty adorable.

He opened his notes in his phone and tapped out a few ideas these past two days had given him. Lily slept on, resting comfortably against him.

 

“So, where are you taking me?” James asked as they switched lines back in the city. He was still not overly confident about getting around on the subway, but Lily guided him through everything, completely at home in this environment. He knew enough to know they were taking a train away from their usual haunts and tried to catch the name of the line. Lily’s hand was small in his, but she guided him strongly and confidently through the crowds and confusing tunnels.

“It’s a fun place I’ve not been to for ages. Don’t worry, James, I'll keep you right.” She walked backwards a few steps so she could look at him, still holding his hand with a mischievous smile on her lips.

The last date.

He had never before even contemplated having five dates in two days. Of course, technically, yesterday had been one long date, but he was never going to mention that to Lily. She was looking so happy, and he had done that. Her brightness and warmth had filled the cracks in his own heart and melted the ice he thought he would have forever. He was finding it more and more difficult to imagine a life without her.

“I’m not worried,” he countered. “Just intrigued to know where you are taking me.”

“I followed you on faith this morning. You have to do the same.”

He had to admit that was true and faithfully followed her without any more questions.

 

As it turned out, the place Lily took him was an Irish bar in Kips Bay that had live music every night.

It was early evening when they arrived. The place was nowhere near quiet, and every member of staff they passed greeted Lily warmly.

“I used to work here,” she explained when he asked her. “Before my dancing paid me enough to not need extra work. I’m surprised so many still recognize me since it’s been a while.”

One of the staff members squealed excitedly when she saw Lily and practically threw her tray away to hug her. “Oh, it’s so good to see you,” she said with her arms still firmly around Lily’s neck while rocking them from side to side.

“Hey, Dorcas.” Lily’s voice was muffled slightly and she patted her friend’s back.

Dorcas seemed to notice Lily was not alone and eyed James up appraisingly.

“This is my… James,” Lily continued.

Dorcas’ inspecting eyes roved him over like he was about to be sold at a market.

“Your James, eh? Well, I like the sound of that, ‘Bout time you got yourself a good egg.” She nodded her apparent approval before she was called over to the bar to get back to her work.

“This place is pretty cool. It has a really good feel,” he said as he made his was through to the bar and ordered their drinks.

While he was waiting, he took a moment to look around the place. It certainly had the feel of the old country with the dark wood and brass fittings. The walls were lined with framed old photos, some of the bar in different states of decoration, some of people, and some were even signed. The ceiling’s low beams were covered in little trinkets and badges too. There were plenty people in the place, but James didn’t feel claustrophobic. The whole atmosphere was relaxed, warm, and friendly.

Lily had wandered to the back and was now standing beside the group of musicians who had been playing until a moment ago. A couple were holding guitars and what looked to him like a large tambourine, which he assumed must be a drum. They were all talking animatedly with her, and she was smiling and laughing back, looking completely at ease with them all.

One of them stood up. He was a bit taller than James and a fair bit younger than the rest of them, only a few years older than himself at most. He was holding his fiddle and bow in one hand as he moved to give Lily an overly familiar hug with his free arm.

James resisted the urge to scowl at him as he joined them and tried to nod politely to the fiddler along with the rest before handing Lily her drink.

“Oh, James, this is the unofficial band.”

“Unofficial?”

“Well, it's just whoever feels like turning up and playing. More a social thing than a job, but they get tips from the patrons.” She shrugged.

James noticed the variety of instruments squeezed into the small stage and the jar at the front with a few notes and some change sitting inside.

“Well, from what I heard when we came in, you’re all amazing.” He fished out a note from his wallet and stuffed it into the jar, not really looking at the amount.

Some of the musicians goggled in surprise at him. Then, as one, they took up their instruments and started to play once more, to the cheers of the other patrons.

Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him aside sharply. “What was that?” she asked him quietly.

“They play for tips. I thought that was a normal thing to do?”

“James, you dropped a fifty,” she hissed. He wasn’t sure exactly if her tone meant he had insulted them or not.

“Well, there is a lot of them, and I don’t know. Was that not enough?” he asked.

She shook her head at him in a fondly exasperated way, slapping his cheek gently before kissing the corner of his mouth.

“You and the fiddler seem close?” he asked, trying to sound innocent and taking a sip of his drink.

“Who? D’you mean Fabian? Yeah, I know him a bit.” She shrugged. “Me and Sirius used to hang out with him and his brother before things got a bit weird.”

The tune they were playing was lively, and Lily was stamping her feet to the beat along with several others.

“What do you mean by weird?” he asked, trying not to sound like an overprotective boyfriend.

“It was nothing, just something between them and Sirius. I don’t really want to talk about,” she said hurriedly, looking more and more distracted by the music. She shed her thick cardigan and threw it, along with her purse, into the booth they were stood beside. She placed her drink carefully down on the table.

“Come dance with me?” she told him, offering her hand.

He looked at it, unsure.

“I’m no dancer, Lily,” he told her, completely uncomfortable with the idea of being shown up by a professional. He didn’t want to disappoint her, though she was practically bouncing to get up and dance.

“It’s real easy. All you’ve to do is tap to the beat and swing each other around. Just watch for a bit you’ll see”

As if to demonstrate this, she joined the group of people already on the free space reserved for just such an occasion. She immediately looped arms with one of the other revellers, and they spun a few turns before moving to link arms with another smoothly. He watched her dancing and enjoying herself. Her long red hair streaming behind her, her white teeth shining as she smiled and laughed, her bright green eyes sparkling with happiness. When one too many men had spun Lily around and held her a little too closely for his liking, he shucked off his coat, took a large swallow of his drink, and joined in the madness on the dance floor.

Lily almost cheered when she saw James join her. He smiled nervously back at her, sliding his arm around her waist to spin her again.

The last time she had been here, she had been in such a dark place, barely surviving and wondering if she would ever be able to quit working here. This place had become a reminder for everything she’d been running away from, but she was no longer running. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she didn’t feel like a failure. She finally felt like her life was clicking into place. Seeing some of the familiar faces and listening to the reels gave her comfort. This bar no longer reminded her of her shortcomings but instead was welcoming her home. It had always been so full of warmth and energy, and now she felt happy to share it with James.

James. He looked to be actually enjoying himself, despite the occasional stumbles. He was trying his best. He seemed determined not to let up and matched her dance for dance. She could see he was improving as the evening wore on, and they consumed a few more drinks. He was no longer self conscious about anyone else, and there were moments that he danced with her like there was not another soul in that room.

She spotted Fabian looking at them occasionally and hoped James didn’t notice the look in his eye. Fabian was ancient history, from when Lily was a different person and nobody needed to know. Her life was different now and still changing, She would make a success of her new opportunity. She would give her all into this burgeoning relationship with this incredible man.

Eventually, Lily took pity on James, and she pulled him off the dance floor into their booth. His hair was damp, and his navy t-shirt was clinging even more than the cut normally made it. She felt it herself. She was a complete mess from dancing so much. The bar was now packed, and as soon as he was seated, she pulled him in for a kiss.

“Thank you,” she said when she finally let him go.

“For what?” he asked, moving his lips to kiss her ear, not letting up as he nuzzled into her neck.

“For today, for yesterday. For dancing with me all night and for going up in that balloon. For lifting me up out of the rut and proving to me I have value.” She slid her hands through his hair, tugging slightly to make him look up. “You wanna get out of here?”

His eyes grew dark as he regarded her. “Do you even have to ask that?”

 

ထ

 

James’ apartment block was quiet and cold when they finally got back. She had relented to his request for an Uber in order to get home quicker and also agreed his place was closer, nicer, and James actually had real food.

Now that she knew where they were both going, she didn’t want to waste any more time. James was so gorgeous and she was so ready for him that it was a struggle to keep her hands from wandering into inappropriate territory in the car. This was it, there was no more need to put on the brakes.

James himself seemed to be having the same problems. As soon as they were walking in the elevator, he snaked an arm around her middle, pushing his whole body against her back and brushing her hair aside so he could kiss the nape of her neck. Her knees almost buckled at his attention, and she braced herself against the wall as his free hand slipped down between her thighs, rubbing against her jeans. She couldn’t resist grinding her butt back against his crotch, making him moan softly into her hair. He slid the thick wool of her cardigan down, exposing her shoulders, and kissed along it, making her whimper.

She barely had the strength to stand as the lift came to his floor. She spun in his arms as they walked the short distance to his apartment, so she could kiss his mouth and taste his breath. Her back thudded hard against the front door. He pressed her into it more as he placed his left foot between hers, rubbing his leg against her groin, the keys forgotten in this moment. She could feel how hard he was for her against her own leg, even through the thickness of his jeans.

Eventually, he remembered to open the door, and they stumbled into the kitchen, lips still locked. They were barely through the door when he was lifting the edge of her top, sliding his hands up to brush the bottom of her breast.

“Surprise!” came a shout from the living room.

“Fuck!” Lily screamed out loud in shock. James’ hands jumped off her as if she was now scalding hot. She hastily tried to correct her clothing before she saw who it was standing in the living space.

“Thought it would be better to announce our presence while you guys still mostly had clothes on.” Sirius’ sounded amused as he spoke, but there were definitely spots of colour on his cheeks.

“Sirius! You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack.” Lily’s heart skipped to see him and practically vaulted over the couch to give him a hug, grabbing Remus and pulling him in too. They were here, they were real, and she had missed them so, so much.

“Sorry for interrupting, er… things,” Remus apologised, his face a delicate shade of pink, much more obviously embarrassed than Sirius.

James was still standing awkwardly by the door, hand shuffling his hair and an awkward smile on his face, as if he was unsure he was welcome to this reunion. Sirius stepped away from Lily and moved to his friend, hugging him fiercely. James and Sirius seemed to exchange a lot in that hug, but Lily didn’t listen in as they spoke softly to each other, because she was giving Remus the hug of his life.

“Thank you,” she murmured softly to him. He looked slightly confused when she pulled away. “You brought James to me. I know it was you.”

Remus gave a little half shrug and waved her away as if it was nothing. “I just said what you needed to hear. You are both glowing with happiness right now. You have done that for each other. It had nothing to do with me.” He stepped away from her. “We are disturbing you and have interrupted something a little special, I think, but you will make time for us tomorrow?”

She nodded her promise that they would before Remus looked to his partner. “Come on, now, my darling. We have disturbed these love birds enough.” He grabbed Sirius by the belt buckle and pulled him towards the door.

With a smirk and a wink to James, Sirius added, “Enjoy your evening.” Then, they were gone, leaving Lily and James alone and staring at each other from across the room.

 

⬹⬹⬹⬹

 

“Come here,” he told her, his eyes intense and never looking away.

Her whole body was electrified with the thoughts of what was about to happen. She walked over to him slowly, her hands reaching for the buttons of his coat as her lips met his. It wasn’t the intensely passionate kisses they had shared in the car. It was soft, slow, and so very sexy. His hand cupped the back of her head as her hands removed him of his coat, dropping his hold of her face only to let the heavy fabric fall to the floor with a soft thud.

“Shower with me.” It was less of a question and more of a demand, his voice slightly hoarse. One hand was now holding her chin, the other making its way up under her top.

“Oh, I like you being all bossy,” she murmured then gasped as his thumb brushed under her soft bra and slid across a firm nipple.

“That’s good to hear, because I like being bossy too.” He started to drag his lips across her jaw, moving backwards with his hand at the back of her head, urging her to follow. “I want to make you come so hard you are going to forget what fucking day it is,” he rumbled into her skin.

_Oh fuck, where did this James come from?_

If she thought she was wet before, that was nothing compared to how she was feeling now. His words, just his words, were turning her into a quivering wreck.

“James,” she breathed his name, her hands tangling through the strands of his hair. “I need you so much.”

“Oh God, I love the way you say my name.”

He stepped away from her for a moment, lifting his shirt from his body before bending down to remove her boots for her. There was something strangely erotic about a man at her feet, sliding down the zip and slowly slipping them off. His body was beautiful as she looked down at him, no longer needing to hide how much she liked watching his muscles move.

Carefully, she slid his glasses from his face and placed them on the table. In response, he unhooked the button of her jeans and slid them down her hips. She took off her top as he stood back up, then placed her hands on his shoulders to jump, wrapping her legs around his middle. He caught her easily, splaying his hands across the firm globes of her behind.

“I love how your ass feels in my hands.” She chuckled at that and kissed his face, moving slowly to suck at his neck with her open mouth, feeling the slight burn of his stubble against her soft cheek.

“Let's go take that shower,” she told him as he carried her into the bathroom.

 

            The shower did not take long at all to heat up, filling the room with clouds of steam. They had long since disregarded the last of their clothes and now stood staring at each other with heat in their eyes.

            She thought she would feel self conscious under his scrutiny, but instead he made her feel worshiped and wanted.

            “You are so beautiful,” he told her as he closed the space between them, lips crashing hungrily together.

The steam had made her whole body slick, and his hands skimmed easily over her skin, holding her breasts, squeezing them, brushing the pads of his thumbs across her nipples making them stiffen before bending his head to take them in his mouth, nipping gently and making her gasp. She reached out for him as her back arched at his touch, fingers clawing at his toned body, running over the bumps and grooves of him, fingernails dragging through the soft hair on his chest and down his stomach until her hand moved lower, sliding along the length of him. The soft moan he let out as her hand gripped his arousal intensified what she was already feeling between her own legs.

With a shake of his head he moved her hands back up his body.

“Not yet,” he murmured, walking her backwards into the stream of water, dulling her senses to the feel and sound of the water cascading over her head and running channels down her body. His lips met hers before she could open her eyes. His left hand cupped her sex, skimming his fingers along her slick folds before they rested against her entrance, the heel of his hand pressing against her centre, moving in ever such slow grinding circles.

She moaned at his touch, felt the cool tiles against her shoulders as James continued to press her backwards. Her knees felt weak and she thought she might have collapsed, but James’ other hand held her steady, gripping just under her left breast. Her hands gripped his head, pulled his lips to hers so she could share his breath, and let him know exactly how much she wanted and needed him right now.

“You are a goddess,” he whispered before kissing her back just as intently, just as full of this undeniable wanting. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you right now.” Finally, they would know each other completely.

“James,” she gasped his name into his open mouth, sliding her hands down his body and gripping his buttocks, digging her nails into the soft flesh.

He stepped away and suddenly his hands and lips were gone, making her feel bereft. She opened her eyes to see him lather his hands with soap and hand the bottle to her to do the same. It took her a moment to come back to herself and comply, but then his hands were on her once more. He started to rub the suds against her shoulders, sliding down her front to press, swirl, and rub her breasts. Hands then moved up her back, pressing the pads of his fingers into her, making her body curl at the feel of him. In return, she ran her soapy hands over his chest, up and down his back, rubbed long, large circles over his toned stomach, and slid her hands a few times along his length, enticing another groan from him. He grabbed her wrists to stop her and pulled her back under the water to rinse them both.

It wasn’t long before she was pressed up against the tiled wall again, quaking under his touch. She was coming undone quicker than she thought possible.

He knelt to rub his hands along her thighs, pressing his thumbs along the crease of her legs. “Let me taste you?” he asked, his lips so close to her sex that she felt his breath puff against her.

“Oh, God, yes. Please, yes.”

He lifted her leg onto his shoulder, like he had done before, but this time, there was no way she was going to stop him. His hand glided along her folds first, quickly followed by his tongue, sliding along her before gently nipping the bundle of nerves between his beautiful, soft lips.

She tried her best not to wriggle and squirm as his tongue masterfully swirled, lapped, and sucked, bringing her body up to a whole new level of ecstasy. Her hands desperately clawed against the smooth tiles before grabbing his head, gripping his hair tight enough for him to wince slightly. She would have apologised if she could, but her whole mind was completely on what James was doing to her.

Her release was sudden and intense, like a wave crashing over her. The only thing holding her up was James’ solid grip on her hip. She felt like she had been fractured into a million pieces, only for him to gently bring her back together.

He was grinning like a fool when he stood back up to her eye level. Her heart was pounding so fast that she could hear it in her ears. He softly kissed back up her body as it slowly stopped trembling.

She grabbed his shoulders, pulling him in even closer to her, so his chest was pressed against hers. She turned them around so now his back was against the wall.

“Your turn,” she told him before moving down his body in slow, lingering kisses.

“Lily, you don’t have to,” he told her honestly, but she did not stop. She knew she did not have to but knew he wanted her to.

“It’s only fair.” she told him, continuing her slow journey.

When she took him in her mouth, he groaned loudly, his head tilting up to look at the ceiling, the muscles of his thighs bunching, and one hand fisting in her hair. “Holy fuck,” he breathed as she glided her lips up and down him, sucking gently and swirling her tongue. She could feel him losing himself just like she had done. “Oh, Lily.” He reached for her hand that was resting on his stomach and encouraged her to stand. He pressed a kiss to her wrist before pulling her in for a long lingering kiss. “If you keep that up, I’m not going to last,” he told her breathless.

She smirked back at him.

“We have all night. But, if you want, let's continue things somewhere more comfortable.”

She had not appreciated how soft this bed was in her drunken state last time. How her body sunk into its embrace as James followed her onto the bed, lips locked, his hand pressed to her back, lowering her gently. His hands wandered over her body once more, making her hum with anticipation.

She grabbed his shoulders, slid her hands down his chest, squeezed his buttocks, and pulled him to her, wanting to feel his weight on her, but he kept one arm braced and lay to her side. This time he did not touch between her legs but kissed, nipped, and stroked everywhere else, building up the tension inside her until she was begging him to touch here there, just there, and lifting her hips every time his hand skirted close.

“Please, James,” she begged, her back arching, her eyes rolling back in her head.

“Patience. Trust me. You beg so beautifully, but it will be worth it.”

“At least let me touch you.” She growled her frustration, making him chuckle wickedly from deep in his throat. She had to admit that he had already proven himself more than capable of building her body up to heights she had never before experienced. She was strung out, completely at his mercy, and she loved every second of it.

“Oh, fuck, James. I’m so ready, please,” she begged, her hands fisting the sheets, her legs twisting, her hips bucking. Wanting nothing more than to feel the weight of his body against hers, the pressure of him inside her.  

“Alright then, just a sec,” he murmured, moving to rummage in a drawer and taking out a foil packet.

“Let me,” she told him, taking the condom and putting it on him as he sat on the edge of the bed, enjoying finally being allowed to touch him again.

“Lie back down,” he told her cupping her face, but this time she decided she wasn’t going to do what he said, and shook her head.

“Sit up against the bed,” she commanded. “It’s my turn to be in charge.”

He did as he was told, holding her waist as she swung her leg over him. His face was level with her breast as she positioned herself above his manhood, but his eyes were looking up at her, letting her know she had complete control.

Slowly, she lowered herself down his length, letting him fill her. They both groaned at the same time, enjoying the sensation as she started to grind a rhythm.  He felt amazing; he was amazing. His hands moved up from her stomach to her breasts and nipped her nipples a little harder than he had done before. She ran her hands through his silky, soft hair, pulling on it playfully.

“Holy fuck, Lily,” he breathed. “You are amazing.” She could feel the tension building in her body once more. She closed her eyes and arched her back.

His fingers slid down to her centre once more, and it was her undoing. His touch tipped her over the edge, making him lose control too. She pressed their heads together as they caught their breath and she waited to come back down to earth.

Oh God, she was ruined. He had ruined her, and she absolutely loved him for it.

 

⬹⬹⬹⬹

 

When Lily woke the next morning, the first thing she saw was the blissfully sleeping form of James, his hair a chaotic tangle and his arm resting between them, fingers almost touching her nose.

His body was hers now. Resolutely marked, _the property of Lily Evans_. They had made love several more times through the night, never being quite enough. Until finally, they had collapsed, exhausted, completely spent, and blissfully satisfied as dawn's light slowly started to filter through the giant windows.

She couldn’t stop staring at him.

_Is this love?_ She thought to herself as she gazed upon his face, so relaxed in sleep. Surely, it was too soon. If it wasn’t yet full love, it was certainly a strong foundation for them to grow on. She had found stability in his arms and ecstasy at his touch. He was a steady presence, and she felt comforted by the belief that he was never going to let her go. Her night with him, her mind-altering night with this amazing example of a human being, was just the first. This was it. She was now a they or an us.

She turned to slide her back against him and settled down to sleep again.

Barely waking, his arm curled around her waist, pulling her closer as he kissed the back of her neck.

This was meant to be. There was no way she was ever letting this man go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come and talk to me on Tumblr @frustratedpoet1979
> 
> Also if you have any questions about this story, or want to know any more background info now that the story is complete I am happy to answer.


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short but I liked the idea so I ran with it.
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed reading my story, please let me know what you thought of it I love getting feedback.

  
EPILOGUE

 

Lily looked at herself in the mirror as she smoothed the rich fabric over her hips and sighed. Even though she still considered herself in good shape, the lithe figure of her twenties was a distant memory.

            “Why can’t I come too, Mama, please?” Harry asked her from his position on the large double bed that dominated the room.

            “Because it’s on ‘til late darling, way past your bedtime. Daddy and I are treating your Uncles Sirius and Remus to a grown up night out.”

            “Sounds boring.”

            “That’s why you’re not coming, sweetheart. You will have much more fun here with Elsa. You always love it when she stays over. We can tell the babysitter to let you stay up a bit longer, yeah?” She watched his reflection in the mirror as she put in her earrings.

He was already in his Avengers pyjamas. His black hair had been brushed, but it still stood up on every angle. The dark rims of his glasses made his green eyes look even brighter. He plucked at the coverlet, torn between the knowledge that the babysitter would probably let him stay up late, eat junk food, and watch cartoons, and the thought of missing out on a special night for his parents.

            “Babysitter’s here!” called out James as he strode into the room, putting in his cufflinks before walking over and zipping up her dress. “You’re looking hot, love,” he murmured before planting a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“Bleurgh,” came Harry’s disgusted voice from the bed. “You two are disgusting.”

“One day, my boy, I hope you understand.” James told his son with a wink.

“No, I won’t. Girls are horrible and mean.”

“Elsa’s not mean. You always get along with her,” Lily reasoned with him.

He gave a little shrug. “Suppose.” he mumbled.

 

Sirius and Remus were already waiting downstairs with their daughter Elsa when they all came downstairs. All three of them beamed warmly at her.

“Don’t you look a vision.” Sirius said, warmth filling his voice as she hugged him in greeting. She opened her arms to Elsa who looked uncertain.

“My Daddy and Papa told me not to get you dirty.” She murmured.

“I think you can risk a hug.” She told her assuredly grateful that she had chosen the ball gown with a slit allowing her to crouch down low enough to give this little girl a proper aunt Lily squeeze.

“Elsa come on, I’ll let you have first pick of what we watch.” Harry called to her from the living room already sprawled on the couch.

Elsa turned to check with her parents who nodded before each gave her a kiss. She ran past James and jumped to take her space beside Harry.

“What no hug for uncle Jamie?” He called out after her before following into the living room and tackling the children tickling them mercilessly.

“Come on now uncle Jamie, the Tony’s won’t wait for you.” Remus reminded him before Lily could. With a final round of kisses for the children James joined them and they all went in the limo.

 

“Thanks for letting Elsa stay over.” Sirius said once they were on their way.

“It’s no problem Harry loves having her company and the sitter is cool with it too.” Lily replied trying to find a comfortable seating position.

“It’s a shame we have to go to these awards. It’s been ages since we all were out together.” James commented pulling Lily in close to him. She returned his gaze with a little smirk knowing _exactly_ what he was thinking about.

“Oh no we are going. How often do you think it will happen that both of you are nominated? James it’s crazy and I’m so proud,” Remus told them beaming. “What if you win and you weren’t there, don’t you want to be able to show Harry?” Mentioning their son did the trick and James nodded. He was very proud of what he had managed.

“We can still have fun while we’re there.” Sirius was more excited about going than any of them, and true that the production was as much his baby as Lily’s as they had spent hours going over all the details together.

“On that note Sirius if I win you are coming up on stage too because it’s as much your win as mine.”

“No Lil I couldn’t.” He began but she overrode him.

“Yes you can and you will, I insist.” He tried to look like he wasn’t happy about this but she knew him so well and spotted the happy smile he shared with Remus.

“Perhaps this can be fun after all.” James said thoughtfully.

“Oh I guarantee we'll have fun.” Lily said softly into James’ ear making him smirk.

 

ထ

 

E! Announcer: “And here we have arriving on the red carpet now, one of the power couples of Broadway - James and Lily Potter. The stage adaptation of James’ best selling book, _The Dancer_ is up for no less than ten Tony’s tonight, along with his wife, the renowned choreographer, who is also nominated for her work in her husband’s show, as well as her work in Derek Wells newest production _fight like a girl_. Which has been the surprise nominee of this years Tony’s. Arriving with them is music producer Remus Lupin and his husband the retired dancer Sirius Black.

 

ထ

 

            “Shit, fuck, shit, they’re gonna miss it. Lily’s category is next up. Where have they got to?” Sirius looked about the music hall trying to see if they were coming back to their seats. Remus stayed resolutely in his seat not looking around, with a sigh he put his hand on his husband’s shoulder making him sit back down.

            “You know _exactly_ where they have got to. What do they always end up doing _every_ single time they get the chance?”

_“_ Yes, but surely not here?”

“You’re joking aren’t you?”

“Fuck you are right.” Sirius said sliding his hair back into place.

“I always am.”

            A man in black wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard approached them crouching low.

            “We need Mrs Potter for the shot of the nominees, where is she?” Sirius looked back at the man with a shrug.

            “I think the nerves have gotten to her and she has just nipped out for a moment. I have her permission to represent her.” The runner pinched his face and started talking quickly into his headset as he rushed away.

            Sirius was suddenly not so confident when the cameraman came to stand in the isle beside him. Remus leaned in to him and held his hand.

“Breath darling it’s fine, it’s not like you are going up on stage.”

 

“And the winner is…”

 

“Oh, fuck!”

 

ထ

 

Lily heard her name called over the PA system but in that moment she did not care, she was far too interested in thoroughly kissing her husband and removing him of his pants as quickly as possible. Once again she was grateful for picking the dress with the high split so she was able to sit herself up on the powder room counter and lock her legs around his.

“Lily.” James murmured

“Shhh” she replied grabbing the back of his head.

“Lily, they are calling for you.”

“James, I think this once I can miss my curtain call, now shut up and kiss me.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr @frustratedpoet1979


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